BLUSH San Francisco Film Fest - Part 3 - Lilith Likes to Watch

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Title: Courage for (un-disabled) Lust
Year: 2024

Starring: Rike, Ben Nordmann

Director: Ben Nordmann

Synopsis: "For a long time, I thought I was completely unattractive to everyone because of my disability and could never have sex and actually saw myself as being far removed from any sexuality. It definitely helped me to have sex with you so passionately." These words are from Rike (28) who lives with Möbius syndrome and has used a sexual service and experienced a change in her relationship with her own body. As the introductory words make clear, there are people who suffer from difficult access to sexual experiences due to prevailing ideals of beauty and other circumstances. - via PinkLabel.tv

Lilith's Notes: This week we're focusing on just one film shown at the Film Fest

Buy: PinkLabel.tv

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"See the person..."

Here we are once again, to spend our anniversary month by pondering or praising all the short films BLUSH San Fan Film Festival had to offer.

This week, we’re going to focus just on one film that left an impression on us that might have been a little more cynical than intended.

Courage for (Un-Disabled) Lust.

A disabled woman named Rike hires a male escort named Ben so that she may have a sexual experience. It’s all framed in a wholesome way, maybe even empowering, but there was a hint of something that both Kage and I felt a little uncomfortable about.

So Rike hires him twice. He posts pictures he took of them together on Instagram, which, I’m surprised Insta didn’t flip out about, which don’t seem to show her face but any content can be used as advertisement of services when you’re an artist or a performer. Now he’s making a “documentary” with her. We’re not saying it’s coercive, just that it all feels sort of quick.

Then, they fuck, but she doesn’t come. All jokes about his skills aside, he tells her it’s not always about that, which on some level it’s true but I can imagine if she doesn’t get off, what does that say about both her body and his skills? Does that mean he doesn’t find her desirable? One would hope not, but at the very least it comes across as “You bought the base package” rather than an adventure with toys and cuddles and body worship and exploration.

Which circles us all the way back to this feeling vaguely exploitative.

Before we even see the pair interact, Ben, the sex worker, sits and pontificates about what it means to bring this experience to a disabled person. About the fragility of it all, and how everyone deserves to be loved and lusted for but there’s the scent of superiority in his words. He is such a good guy for agreeing to this. Not everyone could weather this. What a hero.

Then, after the session is over, a conversation takes place that sent both Kage and my alarms blaring.

Remember, this is a job. Ben isn’t doing this out of the kindness of his heart. Payment is at play here, which, fair enough, sex work is work and I will shout it from the rooftops.

However.

Payment is discussed. This session cost her 580 euros. I assume she’s on a fixed income and I would never want to tell her how to spend her own money, but surely there was someone closer who could do the job just as well. We did the math, that’s 935CAD and 675USD. He didn’t spend the night. He just showed up, showered and fucked and cuddled for a few hours. But the even worse part of it was that, at first, Rike mentions 800 euro, but Ben is quick to point out that this time he’ll wave the travel fee. Even better, she might get an even bigger refund if the movie does well!

And Rike did this twice.

So that’s at least $2,000

At the very end of the film, there’s a message that states there’s a PG cut of this documentary and I can’t help but feel that misses the point. If disabled sexuality is a beautiful thing, then why self-censor. Are you planning to show this film in schools? Just don’t show it in schools!

I don’t know, the idea is admirable, but movies like The Sessions and documentaries like The Scarlet Road, Picture This, Toward Intimacy and Take a Look at This Heart, explore the same subjects but with less able-bodied heroism and financial quagmires. In the end, I’m left frustrated and kind of like I’m witness to some sort of grift.

I guess you can’t put a price on a good self-esteem boost.

Highlight: Seeing Rike be comfortable with her sexuality.

Lowlight: The idea of the movie was solid but the execution felt transactional, which sucked out a bit of Rike's hope from the experience.

LILITH'S SCORE: 2.5/5

Until next time, my voracious voyeurs. I’m Lilith, and I’m always watching.