Welcome back to Money March! Today we continue with one of the most famous porn films of all time...
|Title: The Opening of Misty Beethoven|
Starring: Constance Money, Jamie Gillis, Jacqueline Beudant, Ras Kean, Terri Hall
Director: Radley Mitzger
Synopsis: Pornography meets Pygmalion. Misty, the hooker, meets the sexologist who thinks he can transform her from "the nadir of passion" into someone who inspires passion.- Via IMDB
Why it is Notable: One of the most beloved and renowned porno movies of all time. The movie that made Constance Money a star.
"Never let the fact that they are doing it wrong stop you from doing it right."
Well, here we are, the first Constance Money film I ever saw, and the film that made me a fan.
Dr. Seymour Love finds a hooker who refuses to engage in exciting activities with her clients. The "Nadir of Passion", he's convinced he could make her into the next Goldenrod Girl, the talk of the town, an alluring sexpot. To do this, she has to fuck Lawrence Layman.
It takes place in a world where casual sex is a service like getting snacks on an airplane. In fact, the movie basically turns into Airplane! The Porno, for 5 minutes, with several instances of stewardesses servicing the guests.
It's full of interesting set pieces, particularly one shot where Misty is suspended, balanced on her on her knees in a wall sculpture while giving a blowjob.
There are several "training montages", where Misty learns how to pleasure men with and women with he mouth and hands.
There's also a learn by example scene which is full of amusing dialog but also strangely sexy. The way the woman moves up on the other woman is catlike and graceful. It results in a hot lesbian scene which I fully appreciate.
During this scene, Dr. Love is in the background, watching and getting sucked off by his maids while Misty is sitting there, fully clothed and just taking in the lesson.
It's worth noting that Misty herself never indulges. In Dr, Love's manor, maids will give men blowjobs without even being told to, it's as casual as breathing, but never once does Misty just sit back and enjoy the service of the maids. There's only one moment where Misty is casually pleasured. That is on the plane and it is for the pleasure of the woman servicing her.
After an extended man/woman fuck, the man climaxes and his whole body does these tiny, jerking twitches. It added a genuine feel to the scene and it was very effective.
As a final test on her way to laying Layman, Misty seduces a gay man and fucks him so good he becomes straight.
At a party, Misty, very much in command, orders Layman to her. Layman, Misty and Layman's woman engage in a very hot threesome. The movie takes a moment to enjoy the image of Constance Money putting on a strap on. Pegging is not something I'm usually into, but Constance has such a look of control that I could put up with it.
In fact, it might have been the scene that made me a fan of Constance Money in the first place. You see, my favorite thing about Constance Money is a specific expression she's able to make. It's a cross between a domineering snarl and a lusty pout. Teeth grit, lips parted, there's something so incredibly sexy about this expression that I absolutely love it.
You see girls today try to do it and they just can't manage. Their collagen-enhanced lips can't handle it.
Misty is the Goldenrod Girl!
Dr. Love brags about how he had to beat her into submission, which is a lie, to save face. Misty, hurt, walks out on him.
One year later, no one remembers her name, and Dr. Love still hasn't written his book.
But, Misty comes back, sucks him off, and Dr. Love fucking negs her in some misplaced jocular way to endear her to him but also apologize? Like "haha, remember the good times we had? When I called you the Nadir of passion?" But it's alright because she bites his dick.
Then they fall in love and fuck.
The movie ends with the reveal that Misty, wearing a blazer and a button up and a bow tie, is now in charge of Dr. Love's manor and Dr. Love is her bondage sub slave. And I cannot get enough of Constance Money in a suit. I need more of that in my life.
Apparently Constance and director Radley Mitzger didn't get along, apparently he told her she couldn't act. Maybe she couldn't. Maybe her dialog delivery was a little stilted, but all of her best work is in her expressions, her smiling eyes as Misty looks up at Dr. Love as they reunite with a surprise blowjob. Her shy disgust at the thought of training her jaw, the softly furrowed brow as she shook out her tired wrists. As I mentioned in my review of Confessions of a Peanut Butter Freak, Constance lets her eyes and her face get across all the ideas and thoughts her voice can't or won't. Silence can be golden and Misty is the Goldenrod Girl.
LILITH'S SCORE: 5/5
NEXT TIME: We continue Money March with a tale of women in danger in Obsessed