Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Documentary December - Graphic Sexual Horror - Lilith Likes to Watch

Title: Graphic Sexual Horror
Year: 2009
Starring: Brent "pd" Scott, Peter Ackworth, Princess Donna, Loralei Lee
Director: Barbara Bell, Anna Lorentzon
Synopsis: Graphic Sexual Horror takes a peek behind the terrifying facade behind the most notorious of bondage websites, exploring the dark mind of its artistic creator and asking hard questions about personal responsibility. - Via IMDB
Why it is Notable: It's about a notoriously hard core website, InSex.com.

"What's the adage? Once money's involved...money corrupts, or something?"

Well, not only is it the end of Documentary December, but it's the end of the entire year. It's a time to look back and reflect on where we've been, and plan on where we're going.

Look back, with me, dear reader, to a time when I was a little neophyte in the world of erotica. I wasn't yet writing, I was just lurking the periphery of  the kinky world. I hadn't yet known my place in it.

Eight years ago I watched a little documentary called Graphic Sexual Horror and wrote about it on my Fetlife account. Since I'm older, wiser and more educated, I thought I would close out Documentary December by revisiting it.

My views haven't changed much. The men are still assholes. That hasn't changed. However, the women don't come across nearly as dim as when I first watched this eight years ago.

The film begins with people explaining what Insex.com was, and images of pd's paintings, which were amazingly detailed. Say what you want about the person, but pd is an exceptionally skilled artist and a creative film maker.
Okay, yeah, I agree. That's art.

At the start, everyone talks about how consensual it all is, how it helps these women reach deep inside themselves and find a strength, or a way of getting stronger. It's not about pd's libido, the goal is to get the women to orgasm. As the movie progresses, it becomes clear that pd will use anyone for his own desires. Much like in our previously reviewed doc Kink, consent gets blurred when money is involved.
Clean your gear you slobs!

The entire safe word fiasco with this site is such a point of contention for me. Like I said when I initially reviewed this film, the safe word they choose was "Ah-Ah", which is a stupid safe word because it can so easily be misheard as "AHHHH! AHHH!" or "uh-uh" or any number of sounds. A safe word has to be something that can not be misunderstood in the moment. Something so far removed from sex and emotions and feelings. Something like "doorbell" or "carrier pigeon". And of course, that's when she can use her mouth. At times the women are so tightly, completely bound I see absolutely no way they can possibly end the scene.

At one point, a woman is being lowered into water from a cage and she very clearly uses her safe word but it's ignored because it's mixed with screaming or coughing. Another woman had cattle prods on her Hard No list, but a cattle prod is used on her anyway.

Finally, at the hour mark, comes the scene. The scene everyone talks about when it comes to this movie. A woman's Hard No is to be slapped in the face, and yet pd slaps her in her face. The woman is shocked and scared and confused. pd talks down to her, demeans her, and basically victim blames her and says she's pulling and attitude while she's tearfully whimpering and trying to explain that it was a limit and he said he'd respect her limits. Then pd tries to cloud the waters by saying "it's a show, it's not real."
This whole situation is shitty.

It's a scene that always stuck with me and my heart goes out to her.

Princess Donna tells basically the same story she told in Kink, how it's her responsibility to safe word, how she's always ultimately in control, but she fails to mention how discouraged using the safe word is, and how money can be withheld.

Right after Princess Donna preaches personal responsibility, a woman said she had never done anal before, and they put a big dildo in her ass with no preparation. She was gagged and bound and in her interview said "I didn't get it, and it wasn't okay. I was crying and I was screaming, I feel like I was raped". She admits that she didn't safe word because she was unsure if they'd continue with the feed, or if she'd ever be invited back for another show, and that ultimately she did it for the money.

There's one interview with a model called 101, who's sunken in to herself and she looks like she's seen some shit. It's revealed that she was in a relationship with pd, and would do very extreme things, but not for love or art, but because she was an addict. Ultimately pd says he visited her in rehab and hospitals while she got clean but the story sort of ends there.

It's revealed pd tries to get girls to 'play' with him off camera, under the guise of "inspiration". How sleazy.

Ultimately, Insex folded because of the US government's obscenity laws. Banks wouldn't run credit cards for hard core sites and with no way to process payments, the site couldn't stay up and the content of the site was sold to a Dutch company. Apparently pd and his buddies are still lurking in the seedy underbelly of the Internet.

Nearing the end, the documentary shows set ups of more and more grim and torturous scenes. A woman standing on a block of ice from a rope around her neck. A woman with a breathing apparatus, submerged in a water tank filled with live eels or leeches. A naked woman hobbled and bound with a wooden block in her mouth, chained to a post in the snow. It's surpassed erotica, it surpassed art. It's torturous, cruel and exploitative.

I try very, very hard not to kink shame in this blog. I understand that I enjoy things people think are abhorrent. I don't like some of the most common fetishes their are because it's just not my thing, but pd himself goes on to directly correlate video games and movies to the things he does to women. He blames serial killers for putting this stuff in his head. The world is a violent place, how can he be expected to be a descent human being? Might as well torture people. As long as no one dies it's perfectly fine!

Way to shift the blame, there, Tipper Gore.

Graphic Sexual Horror is a fascinating look at some amazingly creative devices, rigs and set pieces. It paved the way for sites like Kink.com and other hard core sites. But it fondles the shroud of how creepy and manipulative these people are. It shows how pd and his ilk just throw women away once they're finished using them.
Abandoned and lifeless.

As we enter 2020 and no doubt explore new facets of ourselves, I ask you to stay safe, sand and consensual out there my friends.

Best Moment: There's a scene where a woman puts on make up, and gets all dolled up and then through the live show loses the make up and clothes. It's all about building up the feminine and tearing it away and it was interesting.

Worst Moment: A woman's hard no is ignored, she's belittled, talked down to, demeaned and coerced into continuing the live show, but she's obviously scared and confused. Brent does all he can to blame the victim.


NEXT TIME: We explore some of the nominees for 2019's best porn, starting with Teenage Lesbian.

Tuesday, December 17, 2019

Documentary December : Kink - Lilith Likes to Watch

Title: Kink
Year: 2014
Starring: Donna Dolore, Peter Acworth, Maitresse Madeline, Tomcat, Fivestar, Adrianna Luna
Director: Christina Voros
Synopsis: A documentary on fetish website Kink.com. - Via IMDB
Why it is Notable: James Franco produced a documentary about one of the biggest porn companies out there.

"He has a fucking safe word, alright?"

When I was but a teenager, I would wait for the good late night shows to air on Showcase, which was Canada's answer to HBO and Cinemax. While I waited for Six Feet Under and Oz, there was another show that would run. It was called KINK and it was a docuseries about people who practiced BDSM. It ran for five seasons. The only thing I remember about it is a shot of one guy putting a clothes pin on his sack.

This is not that. This has no relation to that.

Kink.com is one of the leading erotic websites and video studios. Founded by Peter Acworth in his college dorm room during the Dot Com Boom, it produces a very specific kind of product.
The documentary begins with Peter giving the camera a tour of their headquarters, a huge brick building somewhere in San Francisco. As he describes the history of the building, there's a film shooting and you can hear the woman model's moans and cries. He clenches his eyes shut to try to focus his thoughts and say on topic.

As the documentary goes on, it interviews different models, directors and Kink.com staff. The viewer gets a behind the curtain peek of how the kinky sausage is made.

The film is interesting because it has a narrative arc. It begins with an impression that everything is fine, and open, and fun and shits and giggles but as the film progresses, things begin to crack. Smiles fade, Thousand-yard stares glaze over faces, people admit they wouldn't be there if money wasn't involved.
That's right, show 'em how it's done!

There's a very intense scene where a woman is bound and collared upside down riding a Sibian. She is beyond blissed-out. She loses all her senses. It's almost disturbing but unarguably compelling.

In one moment, the videographer Five Star tries to draw the line between BDSM and abuse, but then admit it's complicated, then just sort of trails off and looks disheartened. There's a story there, but unfortunately it never delves deeper than that.

And then James Deen is on my screen and I visibly scowl. Let us not forget, he has allegedly violated several boundaries between himself and female talent. Yes, this documentary was made before the allegations came out but I still have no interest in watching him perform.

Next, they're going to film a scene where 4 men break in to this woman's place, black bag her, and tie her up. The model can't breathe and can't perform the scene. Thinking quickly on her feet, the director, Donna Dolore, reformulates the scene into a consensual Christmas Gangbang. Donna is visibly disappointed she has to scrap the bound and gang-banged scenario but she's doing what's best for the talent. It's the right thing to do.

Doing the right thing isn't easy.
Then things get weird.

There's this one performer, called Felony, who's just strange. She pontificates about being a dom, and a sub, and how great it is, but her mannerisms are awkwardly high-brow. She answers every question in a way that feels like she's ~acting~. While discussing what it's like to be a sub she takes this breath and looks away and I joked that she just climaxed. She says the most difficult part of her job is that one day her kids will ask what she does. When asked what she would do if her daughter wanted to get into porn she acts like it never occurred to her. You're in porn. You've thought about it, lady. Stop thinking you're being profound.

When the director says cut, some performers look alright, some look troubled. Some seemed to overestimate their own limits.

Near the end, Donna talks about her time at the hard-core website Insex, and next time, we will, too...

Best Part: Donna whipping up an entire new scene to shoot on the fly after the planned shoot was too rough for the model.

Worst Part:
All the fuck machines. I know what I like and fuck machines are too hard-core for me.


NEXT TIME: Following Donna Dolore's suggestion, we talk about Insex in the final documentary of Documentary December in....Graphic Sexual Horror.

Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Documentary December - A Life in Dirty Movies - Lilith Likes to Watch

Title: A Life in Dirty Movies
Year: 2013
Starring: Joe Sarno, John Waters, Peggy Steffans
Director: Wiktor Ericsson
Synopsis: A documentary shot at the end of pornographer Joe Sarnos's life, which reveals his attempt to make one last film, as well as his relationship with his wife, Peggy. - Via IMDB
Why it is Notable: A documentary reflecting the life and career of notable adult film creator Joe Sarno.

"The important thing is the breathing."

I am not an expert. I am not a professional, a student, or a historian. I'm just a woman who enjoys porn. I know what I like, and what I loath.

At the beginning of 2019 I reviewed a little film called Abigail Lesley is Back In Town and I despised it. It was way too soft-core and every character was a bastard. No one had chemistry and the entire movie was a big let-down. After watching it I had sworn off Sarno films. I wasn't going to waste any more time on soft-core, soap opera drudgery.

So, I don't know what possessed me to watch a documentary about the man, but it was very educational.

Joe Sarno got into pornography when the getting was good. It was the era before the cum-shot, before the camera was up the actor's asses.  His movies were basically the thinking man's skin-flick. Which is a niche that demanded to be filled.

It was around ten minutes into the documentary that it occurred to me that Sarno seemed very down to earth and not creepy or sleazy, even as he goes on to talk about how, yes, people would come into the adult theaters in raincoats to jack off. The cliche is true. He and his wife have been together for decades, and the documentary would have you believe they never even had a spat about who left the lid off the toothpaste tube. Peggy, his wife, acted in his films in bit parts, and was just as enthusiastic over the subject matter as he was. She gleefully takes the cameras on a tour of their storage bin, filled with porny costumes and accouterments of their films. Of course, Peggy's parents objected to their relationship but love  and creativity finds a way.

Peggy shows off the props and costumes and other surprises.

With the rise of the hard core porn market, Sarno found it more and more difficult to make his films. His movies were always about sex with consequence, about the aftermath, the psyche of those who were fucking.

In an act of defiance toward the hard core market, enter Abigail Lesley, the final true Sarno film. His father in law had to put up the financing for the movie. While I still dislike the film, this documentary does put it in a new perspective, and like me, the documentary highlights the two great scenes in the film.

Peggy reads Sarno's script and remarks on how his dialog had become more explicit because that's what the market demands. She doesn't agree with it, though Sarno understands he has to keep with the times. He's in his twilight years but he's not set in his ways so much.

Near the end of the film, Peggy pulls out Sarno's obituary. She's proud that it takes up the entire page, of The New York Times, no less. She carries it everywhere, just so she can show people. He was fearing fading into obscurity, but he got an entire feature remembering him in The Times.

Peggy likes how big it is.

As a marketing tool, A Life in Dirty Movies is effective. It shows the portrait of a cool elderly adult film godfather and it convinced me to give his films a second chance.


NEXT TIME: Part 3 of Documentary December continues with Kink.

Tuesday, December 3, 2019

Documentary December - X-Rated: The Greatest Adult Movies of All Time

Oh, the weather outside is... kind of wet and cold. And there's not enough Holiday themed porn out there, so I decided to forgo the whole fiasco and offer a break from the Holiday Season and give to you... Documentary December!

Title: X-Rated: The Greatest Adult Movies of All Time
Year: 2015
Starring: Constance Money, Georgina Spelvin, Riley Reid, Jenna Jamison, Johnnie Keyes, Herschel Savage, Ron Jeremy
Director: Bryn Pryor
Synopsis: A look at a plethora of pornographic films ranging from the 1970s to the 2010s and a commentary about their lasting impacts on the adult industry and the world. - Via IMDB
Why it is Notable: It's a documentary about the greatest porn films ever made.

"A suicide at the beginning of a porn movie really sets the tone."

I love documentaries. They make me feel intellectual. This particular documentary opens with a montage of many, many porn films from the 70s to the 2010s. As the montage ran, I was actually surprised by how many I recognized. There was ever a clip of vintage porn from the turn of the 20th century that I'm pretty sure I've seen before.
Everything needs to be protested.

Each movie has about a 7-10 minute spot where adult film actors and directors discuss that specific movie, their thoughts, and how it broke ground. I do admit I was a bit disappointed not to see films like The Image or anything by Zebedy Colt mentioned.

As the film progresses, it explores some rather interesting films that I have jotted down for future watching, and maybe reviewing, films I didn't even know existed, or films that have been advertised everywhere to me. I'm looking at you The Submission of Emma Marx!

The interview with Constance Money was interesting, in that she still has bitter feelings against Metzger, though she handles them diplomatically. It's still sad knowing that my favourite adult film actress had such a shitty go of it while all the others who are interviewed seemed to have a great time, more or less.

Constance Money rocks a suit jacket hard.
The film touches on an interesting theory during one of the segments that suggests decency laws were set in place as a distraction from scandals such as Watergate and the unfavourable attitudes concerning Vietnam. I would have liked the film to dive deeper into that, but I suppose this isn't exactly a documentary about the history of porn.

VHS is also casually brought up, and initially I wanted them to dive deeper into this, since I was lead to believe porn was the reason VHS beat Betamax in the format wars but I've just spent 10 minutes verifying that fact and apparently I've been living a lie. Yes, there was more porn on VHS than Betamax but porn only counted for a fraction of all videos purchased and thus couldn't have made a big enough dent either way. See? We've all learned something today.

During the film's run-time, the host, Chanel Preston, has one on one interviews with actors and directors. It's interesting but when interspersed with interviews at different locations, it makes everything feel a bit mismatched. Who is Constance Money talking to? Who is Jenna Jamison talking to?

It was an entertain look back at some of the best adult films, but now I have to watch them all. Fuck.

Best Scene: The interview with Georgina Spelvin. She is so sweet and no-nonsense.

Worst Scene: I don't want to name names but some of the actors just don't seem very smart...


NEXT TIME: Next week, we continue Documentary December with A Life in Dirty Movies.

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

This Ain't Dracula XXX - Lilith Likes to Watch

Title: This Ain't Dracula XXX
Year: 2011
Starring: Jessi Palmer, Marie McCray, Evan Stone, Ryan Driller, Tom Byron
Director: Axel Braun
Synopsis: Forget everything you previously thought about Dracula. This is the movie that will make you totally re- think your perception of the mythical undead character! Count Dracula is back, and this time, with a sexual vengeance unlike any other Dracula you have ever seen. This sexual sci-fi masterpiece is sure to thrill you. And get you hot and sweaty. Nothing like some good old fashioned vampire sucking and fucking. - Via AdultFilmDatabase.com
Why it is Notable: It's a parody of Bram Stoker's Dracula.

"Lucy's cavalier attitude toward her multiple suitors has cheered my soul."

I felt we were all owed a Halloween Treat after the horrible last few movies we've endured and as return visitors know, Bram Stoker's Dracula is one of my favourite movies of all time. I was feeling so defeated by this year's Halloween selections that I decided Fuck It, and treated myself.

Jonathan Harker travels to Transylvania, to meet the eccentric Count Dracula who is buying property in London. In Dracula's castle Harker is seduced by three vampire brides.

This foursome is awkward. In Francis Ford Coppela's film (henceforth referred to as The Original), the scene with the brides is hotter because Harker is following the sound of his fiancee's voice. Here he just sort of wakes up from a fitful sleep and three women climb up on him. The sex itself is fine, only, when not being fucked, the women look bored or directionless. Though, there is a good pose of one woman grabbing bed of the headboard while Harker eats her out from below. That was nice.

There is no dynamic camera work. The camera work in the original was amazing and utilized many old school movie tricks. This is just one static shot. Most, if not all, the sex scenes suffer from this problem.

There is no music during the foursome. I opened a tab to Youtube and played the Bram Stoker's Dracula soundtrack. This is the only way to watch this movie.

Dracula both has no charisma and is also a non-entity in this film. There is no connection between elderly Dracula and what we see later. The entire role elderly Dracula seems to play is "Hahah butt-hair isn't he funny?!"

Mina Murray, Harker's fiance, has a voice-over narration throughout the film and it is bad. There' no accent, there's no emotion. It was very flat poorly done over-all.
Mina and her best friend Lucy fuck and it is the best scene in the movie. Jessi Palmer grabs her legs and pretzels herself up for the camera and somehow it's very endearing. Like she's holding on to herself to keep from losing control from the pleasure. Also her shoes are really cool.

Marie McCray, who plays Lucy, is adorable and perfectly cast. She's also the best actress here. She really seems to be enjoying playing pretend in period costumes and hoity accents.

Then, Lucy sleep walks. There's no Dracula, no wolf-monster, no attack, no biting. There's no connection between the sleep walk, and Lucy becoming sick, dying, then becoming a vampire. And, in the original, it is by far the best scene in the movie. What were the makers of this porn parody thinking, skipping the fucking on a bench in the middle of a hedge maze while hypnotized scene? Dracula didn't have to be a wolf. It is such a missed opportunity.
Hope you liked the maze scene, because this is it.

We cut to Renfield in the asylum, where he's bound in a straight jacket and blown by a nurse or maid or something. Then there's like 15 minutes of hands free anal. Props to Renfield for being able to do it no handed. But, again, there's no connection between nurse and Renfield. If you have to do anal, why not make it between Renfield and Dr Seward? The characters have a connection, you get your butt stuff and you get a gay scene.
However, Tom Byron seems to be really enjoying the role of Renfield. Good for him!

Mina's voice over mentions a 'devil ship' coming to the docks and we Dracula fans, be it book or film, know it's a ship that brought Dracula to London, but the movie never tells us that. Dracula continues to be a non-entity. Van Helsing is called to check in on Lucy, but I'm unclear as to why other than "because this is a Dracula parody and we're supposed to."

Vampire Lucy fucks two of her suitors for a while in the cemetery. It's hot, but again, no creative camera work and the guy playing one of the suitors keeps babbling his cock against Lucy's mouth so we end up with really weird vocalizations.

Dracula makes his appearance in a cliche Spirit of Halloween Dracula costume modeled after the Bela Lugosi outfit. Look, if you're gonna go with LOL BUTT HAIR Dracula, then you must also go with suave top hat, walking stick, and Lennon glasses Dracula. That's just facts.

...Nope. Wrong.
Dracula and Mina never meet. Mina is apparently not the reincarnation of his wife, but he brings her to his lair and they fuck in the end. Jessi Palmer is really good as wearing vacuous expressions as she's hypnotized into submitting to Dracula's lust. This of course proves that they could have done the maze scene, since coercion and dubious consent are apparently not issues in this film.

You could have done the maze scene, guys.

You could have.

And they sucked happily ever after.

Best Scene: Lucy/Mina sex scene.

Worst Scene: The foursome. No music, un-engaged women, too much contemporary pillow talk.

LILITH'S SCORE: 3/5 It's a Halloween Treat, but it could have been tastier.

NEXT TIME: Secretary. I promise.

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Halloween Trick & Treat Triple Feature - Lilith Likes to Watch


Fuck it. Let's get weird with it!

Boredom is a special kind of Hell. Boredom is soul-draining. Boredom is uninspiring. Boredom is a form of evil time-travel. You travel very, very slowly.

When I started this blog roughly a year ago, I was in a very different personal place than I am now. There aren't enough hours in the week anymore and I am loathe to give the effort of writing a post about something that out and out bores me. I've always said, the worst thing you can do other than be viscerally disgusting, is to bore me.

Don't fucking bore me. Make me angry. Make me roll my eyes. Just don't fucking bore me.

I watched three pornos in search of this week's Halloween Trick and Treat. On their own, none of them gave me enough to work with. So, let's just delve in to all three of them.

Title: Dracula Sucks
Year: 1978
Starring: Annette Haven, Jamie Gillis, John Leslie
Director: Philip Marshak
Synopsis: Count Dracula, a vampire who's recently purchased a castle adjacent to a mental institution, as well as his vampire brides, use the patients, and daughters of Dr. Seward, to satisfy a lust for blood and sex. - Via IMDB
Why it is Notable: Annette Haven in a vampire movie!

First one was Dracula Sucks, AKA Lust at First Bite.
I've made it very clear that Bram Stoker's Dracula is one of my favourite films. I wasn't expecting much from this, but I was still let down. Which is terrible because Annette Haven is in this looking as pretty as ever and showing off hip bones that could cut glass. It had a few jokes here and there that made me lightly scoff air through my nose.

There are actually two versions of this film and I had planned to watch both, but after watching the first version, I had no desire to sit through another version.

So. What happens?

The doctor is fucking the maid for some reason. Dracula wants to fuck Mina. Let's see ...Fucking happens... The only good scene in the movie is the opening, with Dracula and Mina fucking in a dungeon and/or basement. I'm sure there's better Dracula based porn out there. Recommendations, please?


Title: Her & Him
Year: 2019
Starring: Abella Danger, Small Hands
Director: Bella Thorne
Synopsis: A sexually explicit reimagining of Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet. - Via IMDB
Why it is Notable: A known famous person directed a porn.

The second one was Her & Him, which has recently gained attention since it's the directorial debut of a former Disney Starlette. But she was also on Big Love, which means she was on HBO before Disney. She's an HBO Starlette.

Anyway, Her & Him is trippy, but it's trippy in the way that a new artist uses too many Photoshop filters. All the visual and audio weirdness feels like creative minds wondering "Hey, what does this button do?"

After seeing the search on his girlfriend's phone "How to murder your boyfriend and get away with it", the Boyfriend is convinced his girlfriend is going to kill him. She toys with him at knife-point with words and some pretty good physical acting. Her fingers tap and crawl along the counter, her toes flex or drag as she nears him. The tension is drawn up, it builds, then explodes into a frantic burst of frenzied violence.

They fuck, and it's very much directed by a woman. It's shot without a care for the leering camera.

The end of the film was not set up at all. It could have either been left out entirely, or it should have been mentioned earlier. I don't want to spoil it, but it knocked down my rating a whole grade because that's just poor story telling.


Title: The Sexorcist AKA Undressed to Kill
Year: 1974
Starring:  Lilly Lamarr, Kelly Guthrie, Wayne Williams
Director: Ray Dennis Steckler
Synopsis: A female reporter for an occult magazine investigates a story about a murderous devil cult. - Via IMDB
Why it is Notable: It's a devil cult porno.

Finally there was Sexorcist AKA Undressed to Kill. I blame Red Letter Media for bringing it to my attention.

It is one of the worst things I've had to watch for this blog. It was only an hour long and it felt too long.
No one was particularly attractive.
It was obviously cobbled together from maybe a few movies?
But it's worse problem? It had a narration from a character that wasn't even involved in the events. It was all told second hand. Then that character dies for no reason so how are we even continuing the story?
The costumes were terrible.
There was no creative sexual deviancy. Like, say, in The Exorcist. I was aching for a demon possessed Terri Hall to show up and breathe some life and horror into this pointless pile of slog.
Boring, plotless, devoid of personality, unimaginative garbage with a terrible sound track.


What a disappointing Halloween Trick & Treat. Everything was a trick. This was a rough one, readers.

NEXT TIME: I need something that I know I enjoy, and once again it explains a lot about me. Join me, won't you, with Secretary.

Tuesday, October 8, 2019

Lilith Likes to Watch - We Are the Flesh

Title: We Are The Flesh
Year: 2016
Starring: Noé Hernández, María Evoli, Diego Gamaliel
Director: Emiliano Rocha Minter
Synopsis: A young brother and sister, roaming an apocalyptic city, take refuge in the dilapidated lair of a strange hermit. He puts them to work building a bizarre cavernous structure, where he acts out his insane and depraved fantasies. Trapped in this maddening womb-like world under his malign influence, they find themselves sinking into the realms of dark and forbidden behaviour. - Via Amazon
Why it is Notable: Fuck this movie.
Welcome to the second annual Halloween Trick & Treat! All through October, Lilith wanders through the horrific and the horny to find some of the best and unfortunately some of the worst of Halloween themed porno.

When I was a child, I really, really liked escargot. It was delicious. We were at a restaurant for my 8th or 9th birthday and my mom offered me one of her escargots. I took it, popped it in my mouth, and chewed it. My dad said "You know you're eating snails?"

I spat it out across the booth, cried, and never ate escargot again.

True story.

We Are the Flesh had a bunch of key words that made it sound like a winner. Infrared camera. Piss play. Post-apocalyptic. Con-non-con. Mind trip.

But, the end result was so revolting I could not enjoy myself at all.

That infrared camera work? Filmed in such a way that you could see every blemish, every pimple, on the actors' skin.

The piss-play? Done in such a filthy, primal way, and so punctuated that it wasn't entertaining.

The con-non-con? Less said about that, the better.

Post-apocalyptic? Mind trip? It ends with a crappy, shitty twist that left me feeling furious.

The scene that broke me was when a lady was masturbating and contorting so violently I was convinced she was simply going to reach up inside herself and start pulling out internal organs.

Art in metaphor is often an excuse for gross out film making - Jodorowsky this ain't. This is shock-cinema at some of its worse. It thinks it's being clever and it probably takes a lot of skill to make things this unsexy.

I resent it when things I enjoy are ruined for me.

Fuck this movie.


NEXT TIME: We continue Halloween Trick & Treat with something good, hopefully...

Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Malice in Lalaland - Lilith Likes to Watch

Title: Malice in Lalaland
Year: 2010
Starring: Sasha Grey, Dirty Fred, Andy San Dimas, Keni Styles, Ron Jeremy 
Director: Lew Xypher
Synopsis: Based on the two books by Lewis Carroll: "Alice In Wonderland" and "Through The Looking Glass", we stay true to a strange world and it's even stranger characters. Malice manages to escape from an asylum with the help of Rabbit. During her escape from Queenie and Jabbowski, she has the most sexy adventures ever. -Via AdultDVDEmpire
Why it is Notable: It's sexy, grimy, rock n' roll Alice in Wonderland.

"Hold her down, I need her ass."

Fun fact: Lilith Likes to Watch is a year old. Want another fun fact? It's been 367 days since we've reviewed the first of a few Alice in Wonderland porno adaptations. Maybe this will become tradition. Regardless, if you feel like you've been down this rabbit hole before, now you know why.

Malice in Lalaland is.an OK porno with a fun look and an amazing title. There's too much filler, with Malice just sitting in watching some scenes, or scenes where none of the traditional Lewis Carroll characters are around and I'm just watching people fuck.

It opens with a creative credit sequence and a fun musical score plays throughout the movie that I quite dug.

Malice is an inmate at an asylum. Why? We don't know. How long has she been there? We're never told. She breaks out and is lead to Lalaland by Donnie Darko's rabbit friend if the rabbit were a pothead.

After admonishing Jabbowski for losing Malice, Queenie enters a morgue to fuck a pair of latex chap-wearing mice-boys and another women and it feels like a scene out of a different porno. Unless they're all supposed to be the doormouse?

Despite that, there are creative hints of Alice In Wonderland without being overt, and that's nice. Jack Jabbowki, Dr. Queenie, Chester Katz, Katter Pills. These references are just on the right side of cute. They could so easily be cheesy but I like them.

This is my favourite shot in the entire film:

Chester Katz takes a picture of two little fuckbunnies.

Throughout the film, Sasha Grey has a sort of girlishness, which is nice. This could so easily turn bitchy, and it doesn't. Malice cares about Rabbit, and Chester, and shares her body with others, men and women alike. For all the spiteful meaning behind the name Malice, this Malice has a sweet innocence to her.

She meets Chester Katz, wears a Alice in Wonderland Halloween costume, and poses for pictures for him, then they fuck. It is the second best scene in the movie. Then, she goes with Chester to Katter Pill's club and, in a total non-euphemism, eats his mushroom. They watch two strippers dance and fuck while Malice trips out.

Then she explores more of Pill's place. Malice just walks from one scene to the next. I want more story. WHY was she in the asylum?

Oh right, and the Mad Hatter looks like Slash from Guns n' Roses. It's either brilliant or fucking distracting. I'm not sure which. It doesn't really matter, he has like 2 lines of dialogue anyway.

The best scene in the entire film is Malice fucking two other girls. I actually had a small quibble with the dialog here though. Girl 1 explicitly says Girl 2 prefers to watch, then Girl 2 immediately joins in. So out of character for Girl 2! Not that I'm really complaining. The scene was damn hot. Even though, Girl 1 started off wearing a beautiful masquerade mask and took it off right away. C'mon, that's my aesthetic!

One of the big problems with the film, however, is that it is told out of order. Malice comes across a gas-station/diner, then watches two people fuck in a car. Then she leaves. She returns to another diner/gas-station, and films a woman fuck the Tweedles in a scene I absolutely could have done without. But what they should have done was either cut the car scene and put the Tweedle Threesome in it's place, or cut the car scene, kept the Tweedle scene where it was, then had an extended Queenie/Malice scene because...



Jabbrowski corners Malice in the diner, Queenie comes in, they shoot Malice up with a drunk and Malice fantasizes Queenie as a red devil and herself a dark angel. They kiss, turn into cartoons and then it ends.

What's the girl equivalent to blue balls?
Malice and Queenie never fuck.

Fuck that! You wasted your run time on a Tweedle DP Threesome, a strangely violent Chester/girl/girl scene, and two bumpkins fucking in a car and not have Queenie take Malice back to the asylum with sexy results?


I refuse.

You're wrong, movie.

You fucked up.

You know your potential. I know you know your potential. I know you enjoy the art that you're making so why didn't you go for broke?

In conclusion, this movie's story is out of order and spends it time on unimportant drivel instead of cool shit. Its rife with kick-ass concepts that it abandons in favour of cheesy porn that I could get anywhere else if I so chose.

Best Scene: Malice fucking the two girls in the red room.

Worst Scene: Tweedles DPing some woman in a diner for like 5 minutes.


NEXT TIME: We return to Lilith's Halloween Trick & Treat! We begin with We Are The Flesh.

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Banned Music Videos From the 90s - Lilith Likes to Watch

Year: The 90s
Starring: Madonna, Mitsou
Director: Fabien Baron (Erotica), Alain Desrochers (Dis-moi, Dis-moi)
Synopsis: We're doing something a little different this time, looking at sexy banned music videos!
Why it is Notable: Educational purposes.

"Why is it that people are willing to go and watch a movie about someone getting blown to bits for no reason at all, and nobody wants to see two girls kissing and two men snuggling?"

As I write this, there's a meme going around. At least, I think, I hope it's a meme, that Post Malone "put some guy named Ozzy Osborne on the map". I actually remember hearing something similar with Paul McCartny and ...was it Kanye West? But that was all tongue-in-cheek and that's why I'm hoping this Ozzy thing is, too.

However, it got me thinking: people in this day and age may not know the sexier music videos that existed once upon a time. They may only know Madonna as "That Old Woman Who Sang American Pie.", or maybe "Didn't she kiss Britney Spears?" or something. These same people are now a few years into being able to watch some of the spicier music videos without having to scream "Get out of my room, mom!"

Madonna had always courted controversy. From her video for Like a Prayer, which had burning crosses and a black Jesus, to Express Yourself, which featured people being treated like pets. Also, she wore a suit in that video, which both was the most clothes we'd seen Madonna in for a while and also shocking, because, A woman in a suit?! Most unorthodox!

And then Madonna released a video for her song Justify My Love. Which got banned from television, along with a song called Dis-Moi, Dis-Moi by a singer named Mitsou.

So, of course, Madonna, being the provocateur she is, released the album entitled Erotica and the companion book Sex. The video for the title song from television, and the song itself was not played until after 9pm.

In response, Madonna wrote the song Human Nature, an anthem about being who you are, liking what you like, and not being shamed for your kinks and sexuality. She released it on the following album. Out of all the songs and videos I've mentioned so far, Human Nature has always been my favourite.

All those videos caused the Canadian version of MTV, Much Music to create a show called Too Much for Much, where they showed various videos in their unedited glory, then people would ask, "Is this porn?"

And you know I watched the premier episode. Over and over and over.

The first episode consisted of the videos for Justify My Love, Erotica, and Des-Moi, Des-Moi.

So, let's watch them, shall we?

And here's the Mitsou video. Along with another one that features nudity.

These videos seem pretty tame by today's standards. Even though they show more skin than Madonna's videos, Mitsou's videos aren't not porn, they're just French. But it does go to show that sex sells. Controversy sells. I would have never known Mitsou's name if not for this debacle and Madonna sold the Justify My Love video on VHS and made a bundle.

Even so, these videos made this blog what it is today.


NEXT TIME: We follow Sasha Grey down the rabbit hole for another surreal look into the world of Alice In Wonderland porn with Malice in Lalaland.

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

Lilith Likes to Watch - Bram Stoker's Dracula

Title: Bram Stoker's Dracula
Year: 1992
Starring: Gary Oldman, Winona Ryder, Keanu Reeves, Anthony Hopkins
Director: Francis Ford Coppola
Synopsis: The centuries old vampire Count Dracula comes to England to seduce his barrister Jonathan Harker's fiancée Mina Murray and inflict havoc in the foreign land. - Via IMDB
Why it is Notable: This movie explains a lot of things about me...

"Take me away from all this death."

We've all had that event. The moment when, looking back, you realize that a movie, or a character, or a scene awakens something in you. For me? I was 11 or 12. And I saw Bram Stoker's Dracula in theatres.

I'm going to try to talk about this movie with more nuance than simply typing "AAAA! AAAA!  FUCK YOU GO WATCH THIS MOVIE AAAAA FUCK!", I'll do my best.

As I said, I was 12-ish when I saw this movie in theatres. I wanted to see it because I was going through a Winona Ryder faze like every young girl in the late 80's and early 90's. It was Ryder in a bunch of pretty dresses, so, yeah, I wanted to see it. I even clipped out newspaper ads for the film. I just thought it looked really cool and Ryder looked really pretty. I didn't yet know the word aesthetic.

First of all, this movie is beautiful. It is a marvel of practical effects. Most of them still hold up quite well, with one or two fairly green-screen-y shots. The set design and costumes are bizarre, especially the armor and the make-up for old Dracula, but also the asylum is quite the sight to behold. Those head-cages, man...

A lot has been said about the acting of Winona Ryder and especially Keanu Reeves. I have absolutely no problem with Ryder's acting, but yes, The Internet's Boyfriend is very distracting. Apparently he felt he had to act because he was performing alongside Anthony Hopkins and Gary Oldman.

And then there's Gary Oldman who is my absolute favourite actor on the planet and is a fucking chameleon. The only reason I realized Oldman was Sirius Black in the Harry Potter films was because Sirius Black's death face is extremely similar to Dracula's O-face. He is the perfect Vlad Dracula this side of Christopher Lee.

Hopkins is a picture perfect Van Helsing. He's clever and quick-witted and so sardonic that he brings much needed levity to the situation. When Benicio Del Toro's Wolfman came out, I was excited, hoping it could be a spiritual companion peice to this movie, thanks to Hopkins' presence. It wasn't.

But, let's not forget poor Lucy. Mina's wealthy best friend and an embodiment of the virgin-whore complex. Lucy is a huge flirt, dreams of sex, and owns erotic literature with full coloured illustrations. She has three suitors and toys with them sweetly, and, strangest fact of all: all three men basically get along.

Can we just talk about Lucy and Mina's friendship for a moment? Lucy is a little selfish and self-centered but she is a genuine friend to Mina. She doesn't abandon Mina at the party, and instead tries to include her in socializing innocently with men. It's Mina who remains a wall-flower of her own accord, only for Dracula to lurk in the shadows.

When Lucy is attacked by Dracula, Mina rescues her, and Lucy finds comfort in her. When Lucy is ill, she tells Mina to go to her love, Jonathan Harker, and not worry about her, though she is dying. Even when Lucy decides who to marry, she senses that Mina seems distracted, and Mina points out how oddly written the letter from Harker is Lucy take the time to read the letter.

They have a true, healthy female friendship, one that isn't tainted by competition or jealousy or cattiness. More films should take note on the relationship dynamics of these two characters. Yes, all they talk about is men and marriage but I don't care. Their friendship is pure.

Also there's a deleted scene where Lucy is wearing a corset and is washing Mina's hair. It should have stayed in the film.

Speaking of Lucy, little 12 year old me really loved the hedge maze scene. The way her gauzy red cape fluttered in the storm winds. Yep. That explains some things. That entire scene explains a lot of things...

This entire movie explains practically everything about me, from my love of top-hats, to Victorian gowns, to other more esoteric things like: blasphemy is hot and so are straight razors.

But, on the subject of erotic scenes in this movie, there is one single shot in particular I adore. When Mina is being turned by Dracula, he embraces her in his arms. He practically envelops her and she looks so small and precious and dear to him and I fucking love that shot. It's my second favourite part of the entire film.

The hedge maze scene is the first.

I adore this movie. I watch it at least once every year and always notice something new. Last time, I watched it while drinking absinthe which is an experience I highly recommend. This movie made me who I am, I wouldn't be the writer I am today without this film and it's arresting visuals. It's inspired at least three of my erotica books, including Sanguinerotica which is coming out in mere days. If you've never seen Bram Stoker's Dracula, please, I implore you to give it a chance.

LILITH'S SCORE: 10/10. Fuck you, my site, my rules.

NEXT TIME: I haven't decided yet. What an exciting mystery for us to share!


Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Wild Things - Lilith Likes to Watch

Title: Wild Things
Year: 1998
Starring: Kevin Bacon, Neve Campbell, Denise Richards, Matt Dillon
Director: John McNaughton
Synopsis: A police detective uncovers a conspiracy behind a case involving a high-school guidance counselor when accusations of rape are made against him by two female students. - Via IMDB
Why it is Notable: Kevin Bacon's penis.

"After tonight, the three of us are not to be seen together ever again."

A handful of reviews ago, I declared that I am putting a halt to erotic thrillers. No more erotic thrillers. And, look where we are now. How did we get here? What did I go and do this for?

I don't know. Wild Things had the same thing going for it that Threesome did. It came out in a time where I wasn't allowed to see it and so I build it up in my head as this big scandalous thing. Julia Salinger from Party of Five was going to get naked and kiss another girl. Kevin Bacon was also going to get naked. There was a threesome! Holy motherfucking shit!

With the exception that this threesome was a little hotter than the threesome in Threesome, this didn't live up anywhere near the hype. Apparently Neve Campbell has a "No boobs on screen" clause in her contract. All we see of her is her back. Don't misunderstand me, a well filmed semi-clothed scene can be just as beautiful and erotic as complete nudity, but this was pretty flat. I even went to the trouble of watching the extended version. Not a single shot or frame stood out and made me take notice.

I watched this movie two weeks ago and I'm hard-pressed to say anything about it. The mystery sucks and is just twisty for the sake of being twisty. A good mystery leaves clues so the audience can try and solve it before or along with the cop or detective before the big reveal. It wasn't as out of fucking nowhere like Exotica, but it reads like Film School Student's First Screenplay. Not a huge amount of substance, and very little style.

There's a really dumb plot point that involves teeth that raises more questions than it answers.

The one positive I can say, I suppose, is that everyone's performances were good, especially Neve Campbell. I liked her character and I felt a degree of sympathy for her. I just wish that character was in a better, sexier film.

A hotter threesome than Threesome's threesome, but that's not saying much.


NEXT TIME: A movie that explains a lot about me, we deep dive into Bram Stoker's Dracula.

Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Lilith Likes to Watch - Threesome

Title: Threesome
Year: 1994
Starring: Lara Flynn Boyle, Josh Charles, Stephen Baldwin
Director: Andrew Flemming
Synopsis: A girl named Alex is by mistake housed with 2 guys, Stuart and Eddy, in a college dorm suite. After initial problems they become friends. Stuart has the hots for Alex, Alex for Eddy and Eddy for Stuart. Can it work? - Via IMDB
Why it is Notable: I tried to watch this film through squiggly lines. Yes, really.

"I just don't understand why anyone would do a lesbian version of Oedipus Rex."

In the time before The Internet, sneaking a peek at naughty stuff was a rite of passage for young boys and girls. I've only heard legends of finding a mythical nudie magazine in the woods. One time, my neighbour found a stash of Playboy magazines and we giggled at the naked girls on display. We were both girls. I usually got by on nature shows, but once I found a knock-off Heavy Metal comic book abandoned in the hallways of my school. It had boobs so it was good enough for me. And, of course, who hasn't squinted and tilted their head at the scrambled channels in hopes of some clarity, just for a second.

That is how I first watched Threesome. Threesome is the movie behind which I cultivated the Lilith Likes to Watch aesthetic.

Now, I am an adult and I can watch whatever I want, squiggle free!

This movie is fine. I built it up in my mind as some transgressive, edgy film that walked the line between mainstream movie and filth. In truth, there's nothing especially out there in this film, except for the titular threesome, of course. The threesome last for less than a minute, I'm pretty sure. I don't feel like timing it.

The characters all work well off each other. They have good chemistry and come across as friends who care about one another. The dialogue is something that I would hate in other movies. It's all very snooty and pretentious, but they're in college, at the right age for it, and also the pretension breaks every now and again and they become regular people. They are occasionally encountered by people as precious as the Threesome think they are and see it for the ridiculousness it is, and they mock it. The lack of self-awareness works. They're young. They're smart but dumb.

The performances were good, I laughed a few times, it was an enjoyable little bit of '90s era edge.

Over all, it felt like a more naked version of a Kevin Smith film. If this movie was made today, I think it would receive a lot of sneering. I think the character of Alex, who keeps insisting Eddy isn't gay, would go down like a lead balloon. One does not push one's sexual ideals and identity onto another person. We didn't really feel that way in the '90s. We know better now.

I give it a 3 because anything else just seems wrong. This movie is begging for a 3 and I will oblige.


NEXT TIME: Let's continue our 1990's sexiness with Wild Things.

Sunday, July 21, 2019

Lilith Likes to Watch - The Loin King (AKA The Lion King XXX)

Title: The Loin King AKA The Lion King XXX
Year: 2019
Starring:  Will Tile, Kira Noir, Leya Falcon, Daisy Ducati,
Director: Lee Roy Myers
Synopsis: Sinba and Na-Na are ready to mate, but his evil uncle Screw sends his daddy to his death via a Wildebreast stampede. Now with the help of his two friends, Tibone and Poonbaa, will Sinba get back to feeling the love tonight? Find out in The Loin King. - Via Youtube
Why it is Notable: One of those rare musical pornos and it's a parody of a 25 year old family movie.


We all know why we're here. Let's not even pretend like we're not. We're all here to watch evil uncle "Screw" fuck "Na-Na".

Spoilers, he doesn't. In fact, the Scar surrogate doesn't get any lines. He stand there, wrings his hands evilly, then is never seen again. That is such a wasted opportunity.

Well, what about the fact that, technically, Sinba and Na-Na are half siblings? Because that's how lions do?

Nope. None of that is mentioned either.

Now that's out of the way, what about the rest of the film?

Well, it's a really weird viewing experience. It has an Elton John parody character singing a Circle of Life parody, where all the animals gather to watch their prince fuck. Screw has the king killed in 3 seconds and really terrible green-screen, then Tibone and Poonba invite Sinba to jizz on their tits. Then Na-Na finds him and they fuck for 25 minutes.

So, how many characters fuck in this porno?

Two. Sinba and Na-Na. Sinba never cums all over Tibone and Poonba, despite repeated invitations to do so. Screw never seduces or coercers Na-Na, or anyone else to fuck. No one offers to make Sinba feel better with their pussy to help him get over his mourning. Everything felt "I dunno, good enough I guess."

Obviously the costumes are pathetic, which, fine, we're laughing with them, not at them. There are cursory bones thrown out to furries in this, acknowledging that the furry crowd should and would love this, but really, no self-respecting furry would enjoy these bargain bin costumes.

And, they'd all be wankin' it to Uncle Screw anyway.

The songs are pretty creative, but everything is dubbed and it's really weird. They gave Sinba a young voice that doesn't match his age or his speaking voice. It's unsettling.

But it's not all bad. Na-Na and Sinba have pretty good chemistry. Na-Na is all smiles and giggles and seems to be really enjoying herself. There's a lot of gagging when she deep throats, which isn't my sort of thing but she's enthusiastic, moving from one position to the next, and moaning praise and encouragements to her partner. Also, there was no anal, which I really appreciated.

Tibone is very cute, with bright eyes and a big smile. Sinba should have cum on her ta-tas. She was asking for it.

Finally, there's one joke that made me lose my shit. There's a character named Jeff the Bush Snake. It's Na-Na's ex, he is a snake. The costume is a man in a black t-shirt that says "Look at Me, I'm a Snake".

I love it.

All in all, what I liked, I really liked, but there's way too much missed opportunity.

You can watch the entire film below.


NEXT TIME: Next time, as I promised, Threesome.

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Lilith Likes to Watch - Q AKA Desire

Title: Q AKA Desire
Year: 2011
Starring: Déborah Révy, Hélène Zimmer, Gowan Didi
Director: Laurent Bouhnik
Synopsis: In a social context deteriorated by a countrywide economic crisis, the life of several people will be turned upside down after they meet Cecile, a character who symbolizes desire. - Via IMDB
Why it is Notable: Its one of the few mainstream films with unsimulated sex, and was one of the first French language erotic films I had seen.

"I don't feel anything."

I first watched this film years ago, and save for one really exceptional scene, I remember it just sort of existing. So, I decided to revisit it.

Q aka Desire is about a group of people who live in town that's seeing a good helping of poverty. Our cast of characters include Matt, a mechanic with a frigid girlfriend named Alice. Chance, a petty car thief, and of course, Cecile, a sad little nympho who fucks whoever she wants in an attempt to escape her own grief over the passing of her father.

Everyone in this film is annoying. They all like to toy with one another. Alice is mousy and unlikable. She comes across as pathetic. She's used by Matt, then used by Cecile and barely seems like a character at all. Chance is brash and just wanders around and has better chemistry with his stoner friend. Matt is simply an asshole.

This movie has a slow build up that makes it feel like it is going to end in a killing spree or someone's death. So, in a way I guess that's a good thing as it lends a sense of tension to the film.

There's one scene where Cecile and Chance are fucking, and she demands it harder, and that he hit her. Finally she breaks down and admits she doesn't feel anything. It's a small moment of vulnerability for her and it works. It shows why she does what she does. Unfortunately for me, it's not enough to endear me to either Cecile nor Chance.

Near the middle of the film, Cecile meets a married man. She gives him her panties. The man goes home with his wife and mentions Cecile. He tries to initiate sex but she says she's not ready. She suffered some undefined tragedy and from the way her husband touches her I think it was a miscarriage. The couple begin fantasizing about using Cecile as he caresses his wife intimately. She climaxes, then cries.

This scene was what stuck out to me when I first saw the film. This scene is one of the best erotic scenes I had ever watched. This scene carries the movie for me.

Cecile and the married man meet on screen once more and actually fuck. His wife finds Cecile and they have a conversation. She says her husband talks about Cecile and Cecile says the same about her. Only, there's no scene of that. There needs to be a second meet up with the husband, showing that they actually talk and not just fuck. It would provide some growth to Cecile and clarify some plot points.

Cecile manipulates Alice into helping her get the husband and wife back together, then Cecile helps Alice fuck Matt. Then, randomly, Cecile is hosting a brothel but Chance pulls her out of the place and Cecile releases her father's ashes.

It is utterly amazing how one scene can elevate a movie. If not for that scene with the husband and wife fantasizing together, this movie would easily be a 2, but that scene stuck with me for years, extremely clearly in my mind. It remained one of my favourite scenes of film erotica to this day.


NEXT TIME: We venture into the subversive '90s with Threesome.

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Lilith Likes to Watch - A Patriotic Double Feature! Exotica and Spirit of Seventy-Sex

It's Canada's birthday! It's America's birthday! Let's do a patriotic double feature!

Title: Exotica
Year: 1994
Starring: Mia Krishner, Elias Koteas, Bruce Greenwood
Director: Atom Egoyan
Synopsis: A man plagued by neuroses frequents the club, Exotica, trying to find solace - but even there his past hides among him. - Via IMDB
Why it is Notable: Mainstream Canadian erotic thriller that won AVN awards.

"Exotica is here to entertain, to offer amusement, not to heal. There are other places for that."

I'm putting a moratorium on the term "Erotic Thriller" until further notice. Basic Instinct, this is not. I'm not even a fan of Basic Instinct but at least that movie had an actual erotic scene with genuine tension.

So apparently this movie received mounds of accolades back in the day. It even won some AVNs.


There's nothing here. Francis suffered a tragic loss and is obsessed with 18 year old Christina, a dancer at the night club Exotica. Elias Koteas is also obsessed with Christina. I do not know why. Christina does the worst, least-sexy strip teas ever to Leonard Cohen's "Everybody Knows" because my country has Canadian Content laws.

Everyone is one note, wooden, or talks older than their age. Nothing is sexy.

Nothing is pretty. Nothing is visually interesting even in a sleezy, neon way. It all looks cheap, but not in a dirty way, in a "Shit we spent all our money on craft services. How are we going to dress the set?" sort of way.

The plot is chopped up just for the sake of seeming mysterious, but instead it just makes the plot seem all over the place. It's like an extremely boring episode of Twin Peaks.

The ending is a go-nowhere dead end.

For fuck's sake, it made me want to rewatch Dancing at the Blue Iguana and Flashdance. Both of these movies have way more going for them.

The only reason to even watch this movie is for Elias Koteas, but even he isn't enough to keep things interesting.

Canada, we can do better than this.


Title: Spirit of Seventy-Sex
Year: 1976
Starring: Annette Haven, John Holms
Director: Stu Segall
Synopsis:  it is a tongue-in-cheek look at the sex lives of the Founding Fathers, including George Washington, Benjamin Franklin and Captain John Smith. - Via Wikipedia
Why it is Notable: Released during the Golden Age of Porn on America's Bicentential.

"Oh my, such a pretty beaver, I think we'll make that of Oregon some day."

I'm Canadian. I expect a lot of this movie went over my head.

This is a period piece taking place just after the American Revolution. Annette Haven is stunning, as always, as Martha Washington. She feeds chickens and then has some outdoor sex with George Washington.

Then we cut to two other people who have sex in a cabin.

Then Benjamin Franklin introduces his new invention, The Vibrating Dildo, to a woman.

Then John Smith fucks a black chick in a scene were you can tell it's straining itself not to be problematic.

Then sisters fuck in a barn, then one sister fucks 3 guys at once, then John and Martha fuck again.

I don't know what to say. Not only did a lot of jokes and references likely pass me by, but...yep, that was sex, all right.

It was pretty good sex, with a lot of focus on oral, and a fun lesbian scene. But, with the exception of the foursome, there was nothing especially creative. Then again, the film only ran 65 minutes long so it's not like it dragged on. It got it's point across, had some wit in the dialog, then moved along.

Still, all I really wanted was Martha Washington just going around fucking everybody. Annette Haven almost always steals any movie she's in. I would have been satisfied if it was just her fucking the day away.

Anyway, happy birthday, Canada and America. Try not to blow up or burn away, okay?


NEXT TIME: We're moving to a fortnightly schedule, meaning there will be a review every second Tuesday now. Next time, we delve into French erotica with the film Q aka Desire.