Lost Love - Lilith Likes to Watch

Title: Lost Love Year: 2019 Starring: Jessica Drake, Penny Pax, Kira Noir, Small Hands, Ryan Driller Director: Brad Armstrong Synopsis: Beth is blindsided by the death of her husband. Heartbroken and searching for answers, she joins a grief counseling group where she begins to bond with others who are dealing with their own loss. -Via AdultEmpire.com Why it is Notable: It's nominated for XBIZ Film of The Year

"Miss me already?"

I've never lost a significant other due to death, but I've watched my mother struggle after the death of my father. I've watched one grandparent whither away after the death of their spouse. I've had uncles who die months after the deaths of their wives. I imagine losing the love of your life is one of the most difficult things we can endure. I was hoping to feel some of that desperate loss in this film.

Sets a good mood.

First off, I like how the movie starts just before the funeral. We're never told about how the death occurred and I like that. The circumstances didn't matter, the grief is what is supposed to matter. The title shot has good blocking, good use of negative space. It's strangely lonesome. It sets the mood it wants to set.

After the funeral, Beth imagines having sex with her husband, Eric. It's totally natural that she would do that, but it's very, very porn-y sex. It's full of "Oh yeah, right there," and squeaky sighs and blowjob lips. With each position change, the scene fades to a different shot and it really breaks the flow of the first sex scene.

Next, we see Beth's sister fuck her own husband. Penny Pax looks natural, with slight curves and natural breasts. She looks like a woman from a classical painting. She and her husband engage in actual condom prep. The editor clearly enjoyed this scene more. There's a better flow to it. Also Penny Pax comes across a fucking insatiable, and that's fun.

Beth walks around the city, ruminating on death and grief and in between shots her outfit changes from a blouse and skirt and high socks, to a sweater and pants, then back. At this point I'm convinced the editor either hates Beth or hates their job.

She lays on the floor next to one of her husbands suits and masturbates. Of all the marketing for this film, this is the idea that sold me. It is by far the best part of the film.

This is what we're all really here for. It's even on the movie poster.

Throughout the film, Beth's sister has been acting a little odd, a little standoffish and maybe too deep in grief. It lead me to think that maybe she and Eric had an affair. Anyway, Beth shares a moment in the cemetery with her sister, then they play Carpool Karaoke and hold hands.

Sister on sister bondage.

Beth goes to a grief meeting but doesn't speak her story because she isn't ready yet to share. She meets a woman who's character name I don't know but she's played by Jessie Lee so that's her name now. They go to a bar and are ignored by the waitress, then go to a junk yard. Jessie Lee tells Beth that this is her car and she was in a terrible accident and that she should seize every moment. They fuck.

It's possibly the most boring woman-on-woman sex scene I've seen in a while. Again, probably because it's so blatantly porny and devoid of emotion. Jessie Lee seems to be enjoying herself, so that's something to cling to.

Speaking of enjoying herself, Kira Noir is in this movie. She's part of the grief group and she goes into a bathroom to fuck another guy from the group. Once more she looks like she's having a genuinely good time. However, it grinds the movie to a halt. But a fun halt.

This scene basically writes itself.

Finally, Beth goes back to the cemetery and masturbates on the grave, begging to come. The scene is short and I wanted more. At the cemetery she meets a guy and brings him home. She makes him wear her husband's suit and they fuck while she's blindfolded with his tie. It's a hot idea, which I liked. Through this, in a way, Beth's journey with grief comes to an end and she finds closure. She attends the grief meeting one final time and comes to profound realizations.

SOMEone's read 50 Shades of Grey...

Realizations that break the movie and made me drop it an entire grade.

This movie's biggest downfall is the acting. The lead role of Beth should have been played by someone who is more real. I know Jessica Drake is very popular but I feel Penny Pax is more believable and emotes better. I think she would have been able to connect with the audience's mind more, and then Jessica be the aloof, quazi-mysterious sister character. What I wanted, nay, expected out of this movie is that one masturbation scene from Abigail Lesley is Back in Town, but for two and a half hours. I wanted all that raw emotion. I never thought I'd compare anything to Abigail Lesley, which I rated 1.5 out of 5, but here we are.

I wanted Georgina Spelvin, I wanted Rebecca Brooke, I wanted Annette Haven. I wanted to feel something and I just couldn't. This was as shallow as a dollar store sympathy card. I have no doubt that the creators meant for this movie to be taken seriously, that they thought they were saying something, or trading on a universal theme almost all of us can relate to, but when there was supposed to be real, genuine emotion, it was just lacking. I've seen good acting in porn before, or genuine connection between the performers. I know it's possible, I just didn't feel it here.

Too much sex, not enough love.

Best Moment: The love scene with the suit. That sort of scene is my everything

Worst Moment: The final time she attends the grief support meeting. Things come into focus and it's really bad.

LILITH'S SCORE: 2/5

NEXT TIME: We keep on going with our XBIZ and AVN award nominee viewing with Captain Marvel XXX.

Teenage Lesbian - Lilith Likes to Watch

This month, Lilith is going to watch recent porn that is nominated for XBIZ and AVN awards. There is no official title for this month, but that's what we're doing. Be current with me!

Title: Teenage Lesbian Year: 2019 Starring: Kristen Scott, Kenna James, Aidra Fox, Kendra Spade Director: Bree Mills Synopsis: Set in the 1990s and told as a series of memories, TEENAGE LESBIAN is an emotional and uplifting look at an 18-year-old's final year of high school as she comes to terms with herself and her homosexuality. - Via IMDB Why it is Notable: It is up for several XBIZ and AVN awards.

"Yeah you wish you got as much pussy as they do, fucker!"

I'm not sure if I have the optics to write about this movie. It's not exactly for me, you know? I'm a straight girl who grew up in the 90s. Everyone around me was exploring or questioning their sexuality, but I was always straight. Even so, I've always had an appreciation of the female form. I liked hearing my more daring friend's sexcapades. I liked being regaled with stories from my plantonic girl friends about the time they had threesomes.

I've always liked to watch.

I feel like this movie is important. If me, a lady who never questioned her sexuality could relate to this film, then I think it means something. I don't know I've ever seen an important porno before. More to the point, I'm not sure this is porn.

Teenage Lesbian is the semi-autobiographical story of writer/director Bree Mill's adolescence. Sam is a girl who's 18 years old and in her final year of high school. Everyone at school knows she's a lesbian, even if she's not officially out yet. She's bullied and beaten, and just tries to deal with it.

A girl named Nicole asks if Sam wants to be partners on a assignment and Sam agrees. While at Nicole's house, they fool around.

We see Nicole masturbating under the sheet but she's covered. We see nothing and it's even more hot in it's own way. Soon, the camera ventures under the sheet and we see exposed flesh. Laying next to Nicole, Sam's own hand ventures into her plain white cotton panties. Side by side the girls pleasure themselves, but the camera rests in such a way that Sam's panties hide everything, teasing  us by blocking out what we've already seen. There's no fake moans, no music, just silence, broken up by carefully quiet breathing

Sam and Nicole have a sleepover.

This is exactly what I think of when I think of porn made by women for women. It's up close and personal, none of that coy stuff, but it's somehow also respectful. There's such a genuine feel to the scene, it's remarkable.

This scene has a gradual build up, and eventually Sam goes down on Nicole. Nicole doesn't reciprocate, and it looks for a moment that she just used Sam, but then she suggests Sam stay for dinner. A nice gesture.

Sam and Nicole are friends for a while, but it's clear that Nicole likes guys and is oblivious to Sam's feelings.

Sam then goes to a party where her friend Matt is drunk and hanging all over Sam, asking her questions about being a lesbian. How did she know she was a lesbian? Is there a chance they'll ever be together. It was a subtly disturbing scene because Matt doesn't let her leave the conversation. He keeps her there under his own drunk power, against her wishes. I was very worried this was going to turn into a rape scene. Thankfully it doesn't.

At the party, Sam pretends to pass out on a couch and sees Matt tell two girls to kiss. She spies on it all. Matt passes out and the two girls make out. They realize she's there, probably fake-sleeping, and goad her, jokingly invite her to join in. They mock her then immediately eat each other out. Who's the real lesbian here?

This scene is more performative than the first sex scene. There's lots of giggling, and moaning, and porn acting. It was unquestionably a porn scene.

Sam then goes to a club where she meets a girl who thinks she's a guy. She eats out the girl, while the girl says she can't wait to suck "his" cock. Here is where I go off on a tangent.

The acting in this movie is exceptional. Most of the characters were believable and Sam, Meg, Sam's guy friend JC, they all feel like real people. Meg is enigmatic and fun and Sam is genuine and sympathetic. In the throes of eating out a girl, Sam's expression goes very What The Fuck when the girl announces she wants to suck cock.

After Sam reveals to the girl that Sam is also a girl, she meets Meg, who teaches her how lesbians have sex.

Lessons

It is an amazing scene. Gentle, passionate, vulnerable, alluring, amazingly planned out. I don't know that I've ever seen a scene quite like it. This is when the movie grabbed my heart. In the context of the message of  the Sam/Meg scene, the party girls made way more sense. That is fake, that's the fantasy. This is real.

Newly educated, Sam gets the guts to ask Teresa, a girl she likes, out to see a movie and then suggests they date, but Teresa isn't into girls.

Personal grooming is important.

Meg drags Sam to a support group for queer teens and young adults. There she sees Sara, a girl from school.There's a beautiful fantasy scene consisting of four ladies from the support group and fun positions. The fantasy focuses mostly on Sara.

How Sam sees Meg and Sara.

I admit the movie sort of loses steam once Sara is introduced. She sort of inserts herself into Sam's life, and doesn't have much of a personality. Maybe if Sara was seen in school before her character introduction or something it could have worked better. But it's a small complaint.

Sam and Sara start dating, and the film ends with Sara giving Sam a nice birthday picnic fuck session.

Teenage Lesbian needs to win all the awards. Best All Male Gangbang? Teenage Lesbian. Best MILF scene? Teenage Lesbian.

Holy shit, Google...

If you're 18, and curious or confused, I highly suggest you watch this film. When I was growing up, we had Girl Interrupted, Foxfire, Gia (Thank you, Angelina Jolie), But I'm a Cheerleader and Lost and Delirious. All movies I'd suggest to my queer friends but they were rejected because they had the Crazy Lesbian trope or were hard to find. All the other queer movies were about queer men or boys. It was slim pickings for us girls, even us girls who just like to watch.

In an interview, Kristen Scott, who plays Sam, says that porn is changing, that we once more want characters and stories. I hope to the heavens that she's right, that quality like this is a new direction.

Don't pass this by just because it's considered porn. This is gold.

Best Moment: The scene where Meg teaches Sam how to have lesbian sex.

Worst Moment: There's not really a bad moment. Maybe any scene that has to do with the parents? Their acting isn't the best.

LILITH'S SCORE: 5/5

NEXT TIME: We continue looking at the AVN and XBIZ nominations with Lost Love.

Documentary December - Graphic Sexual Horror - Lilith Likes to Watch

Title: Graphic Sexual Horror Year: 2009 Starring: Brent "pd" Scott, Peter Ackworth, Princess Donna, Loralei Lee Director: Barbara Bell, Anna Lorentzon Synopsis: Graphic Sexual Horror takes a peek behind the terrifying facade behind the most notorious of bondage websites, exploring the dark mind of its artistic creator and asking hard questions about personal responsibility. - Via IMDB Why it is Notable: It's about a notoriously hard core website, InSex.com.

"What's the adage? Once money's involved...money corrupts, or something?"

Well, not only is it the end of Documentary December, but it's the end of the entire year. It's a time to look back and reflect on where we've been, and plan on where we're going.

Look back, with me, dear reader, to a time when I was a little neophyte in the world of erotica. I wasn't yet writing, I was just lurking the periphery of  the kinky world. I hadn't yet known my place in it.

Eight years ago I watched a little documentary called Graphic Sexual Horror and wrote about it on my Fetlife account. Since I'm older, wiser and more educated, I thought I would close out Documentary December by revisiting it.

My views haven't changed much. The men are still assholes. That hasn't changed. However, the women don't come across nearly as dim as when I first watched this eight years ago.

The film begins with people explaining what Insex.com was, and images of pd's paintings, which were amazingly detailed. Say what you want about the person, but pd is an exceptionally skilled artist and a creative film maker.

Okay, yeah, I agree. That's art.

At the start, everyone talks about how consensual it all is, how it helps these women reach deep inside themselves and find a strength, or a way of getting stronger. It's not about pd's libido, the goal is to get the women to orgasm. As the movie progresses, it becomes clear that pd will use anyone for his own desires. Much like in our previously reviewed doc Kink, consent gets blurred when money is involved.

Clean your gear you slobs!

The entire safe word fiasco with this site is such a point of contention for me. Like I said when I initially reviewed this film, the safe word they choose was "Ah-Ah", which is a stupid safe word because it can so easily be misheard as "AHHHH! AHHH!" or "uh-uh" or any number of sounds. A safe word has to be something that can not be misunderstood in the moment. Something so far removed from sex and emotions and feelings. Something like "doorbell" or "carrier pigeon". And of course, that's when she can use her mouth. At times the women are so tightly, completely bound I see absolutely no way they can possibly end the scene.

At one point, a woman is being lowered into water from a cage and she very clearly uses her safe word but it's ignored because it's mixed with screaming or coughing. Another woman had cattle prods on her Hard No list, but a cattle prod is used on her anyway.

Finally, at the hour mark, comes the scene. The scene everyone talks about when it comes to this movie. A woman's Hard No is to be slapped in the face, and yet pd slaps her in her face. The woman is shocked and scared and confused. pd talks down to her, demeans her, and basically victim blames her and says she's pulling and attitude while she's tearfully whimpering and trying to explain that it was a limit and he said he'd respect her limits. Then pd tries to cloud the waters by saying "it's a show, it's not real."

This whole situation is shitty.

It's a scene that always stuck with me and my heart goes out to her.

Princess Donna tells basically the same story she told in Kink, how it's her responsibility to safe word, how she's always ultimately in control, but she fails to mention how discouraged using the safe word is, and how money can be withheld.

Right after Princess Donna preaches personal responsibility, a woman said she had never done anal before, and they put a big dildo in her ass with no preparation. She was gagged and bound and in her interview said "I didn't get it, and it wasn't okay. I was crying and I was screaming, I feel like I was raped". She admits that she didn't safe word because she was unsure if they'd continue with the feed, or if she'd ever be invited back for another show, and that ultimately she did it for the money.

There's one interview with a model called 101, who's sunken in to herself and she looks like she's seen some shit. It's revealed that she was in a relationship with pd, and would do very extreme things, but not for love or art, but because she was an addict. Ultimately pd says he visited her in rehab and hospitals while she got clean but the story sort of ends there.

It's revealed pd tries to get girls to 'play' with him off camera, under the guise of "inspiration". How sleazy.

Ultimately, Insex folded because of the US government's obscenity laws. Banks wouldn't run credit cards for hard core sites and with no way to process payments, the site couldn't stay up and the content of the site was sold to a Dutch company. Apparently pd and his buddies are still lurking in the seedy underbelly of the Internet.

Nearing the end, the documentary shows set ups of more and more grim and torturous scenes. A woman standing on a block of ice from a rope around her neck. A woman with a breathing apparatus, submerged in a water tank filled with live eels or leeches. A naked woman hobbled and bound with a wooden block in her mouth, chained to a post in the snow. It's surpassed erotica, it surpassed art. It's torturous, cruel and exploitative.

I try very, very hard not to kink shame in this blog. I understand that I enjoy things people think are abhorrent. I don't like some of the most common fetishes their are because it's just not my thing, but pd himself goes on to directly correlate video games and movies to the things he does to women. He blames serial killers for putting this stuff in his head. The world is a violent place, how can he be expected to be a descent human being? Might as well torture people. As long as no one dies it's perfectly fine!

Way to shift the blame, there, Tipper Gore.

Graphic Sexual Horror is a fascinating look at some amazingly creative devices, rigs and set pieces. It paved the way for sites like Kink.com and other hard core sites. But it fondles the shroud of how creepy and manipulative these people are. It shows how pd and his ilk just throw women away once they're finished using them.

Abandoned and lifeless.

As we enter 2020 and no doubt explore new facets of ourselves, I ask you to stay safe, sand and consensual out there my friends.

Best Moment: There's a scene where a woman puts on make up, and gets all dolled up and then through the live show loses the make up and clothes. It's all about building up the feminine and tearing it away and it was interesting.

Worst Moment: A woman's hard no is ignored, she's belittled, talked down to, demeaned and coerced into continuing the live show, but she's obviously scared and confused. Brent does all he can to blame the victim.

LILITH'S SCORE: 3/5

NEXT TIME: We explore some of the nominees for 2019's best porn, starting with Teenage Lesbian.

Documentary December : Kink - Lilith Likes to Watch

Title: Kink Year: 2014 Starring: Donna Dolore, Peter Acworth, Maitresse Madeline, Tomcat, Fivestar, Adrianna Luna Director: Christina Voros Synopsis: A documentary on fetish website Kink.com. - Via IMDB Why it is Notable: James Franco produced a documentary about one of the biggest porn companies out there.

"He has a fucking safe word, alright?"

When I was but a teenager, I would wait for the good late night shows to air on Showcase, which was Canada's answer to HBO and Cinemax. While I waited for Six Feet Under and Oz, there was another show that would run. It was called KINK and it was a docuseries about people who practiced BDSM. It ran for five seasons. The only thing I remember about it is a shot of one guy putting a clothes pin on his sack.

This is not that. This has no relation to that.

Kink.com is one of the leading erotic websites and video studios. Founded by Peter Acworth in his college dorm room during the Dot Com Boom, it produces a very specific kind of product.
The documentary begins with Peter giving the camera a tour of their headquarters, a huge brick building somewhere in San Francisco. As he describes the history of the building, there's a film shooting and you can hear the woman model's moans and cries. He clenches his eyes shut to try to focus his thoughts and say on topic.

As the documentary goes on, it interviews different models, directors and Kink.com staff. The viewer gets a behind the curtain peek of how the kinky sausage is made.

The film is interesting because it has a narrative arc. It begins with an impression that everything is fine, and open, and fun and shits and giggles but as the film progresses, things begin to crack. Smiles fade, Thousand-yard stares glaze over faces, people admit they wouldn't be there if money wasn't involved.

That's right, show 'em how it's done!

There's a very intense scene where a woman is bound and collared upside down riding a Sibian. She is beyond blissed-out. She loses all her senses. It's almost disturbing but unarguably compelling.

In one moment, the videographer Five Star tries to draw the line between BDSM and abuse, but then admit it's complicated, then just sort of trails off and looks disheartened. There's a story there, but unfortunately it never delves deeper than that.

And then James Deen is on my screen and I visibly scowl. Let us not forget, he has allegedly violated several boundaries between himself and female talent. Yes, this documentary was made before the allegations came out but I still have no interest in watching him perform.

Next, they're going to film a scene where 4 men break in to this woman's place, black bag her, and tie her up. The model can't breathe and can't perform the scene. Thinking quickly on her feet, the director, Donna Dolore, reformulates the scene into a consensual Christmas Gangbang. Donna is visibly disappointed she has to scrap the bound and gang-banged scenario but she's doing what's best for the talent. It's the right thing to do.

Doing the right thing isn't easy.

Then things get weird.

There's this one performer, called Felony, who's just strange. She pontificates about being a dom, and a sub, and how great it is, but her mannerisms are awkwardly high-brow. She answers every question in a way that feels like she's ~acting~. While discussing what it's like to be a sub she takes this breath and looks away and I joked that she just climaxed. She says the most difficult part of her job is that one day her kids will ask what she does. When asked what she would do if her daughter wanted to get into porn she acts like it never occurred to her. You're in porn. You've thought about it, lady. Stop thinking you're being profound.

When the director says cut, some performers look alright, some look troubled. Some seemed to overestimate their own limits.

Near the end, Donna talks about her time at the hard-core website Insex, and next time, we will, too...

Best Part: Donna whipping up an entire new scene to shoot on the fly after the planned shoot was too rough for the model.

Worst Part: All the fuck machines. I know what I like and fuck machines are too hard-core for me.

LILITH'S SCORE: 3.5/5

NEXT TIME: Following Donna Dolore's suggestion, we talk about Insex in the final documentary of Documentary December in....Graphic Sexual Horror.

Documentary December - A Life in Dirty Movies - Lilith Likes to Watch

Title: A Life in Dirty Movies Year: 2013 Starring: Joe Sarno, John Waters, Peggy Steffans Director: Wiktor Ericsson Synopsis: A documentary shot at the end of pornographer Joe Sarnos's life, which reveals his attempt to make one last film, as well as his relationship with his wife, Peggy. - Via IMDB Why it is Notable: A documentary reflecting the life and career of notable adult film creator Joe Sarno.

"The important thing is the breathing."

I am not an expert. I am not a professional, a student, or a historian. I'm just a woman who enjoys porn. I know what I like, and what I loath.

At the beginning of 2019 I reviewed a little film called Abigail Lesley is Back In Town and I despised it. It was way too soft-core and every character was a bastard. No one had chemistry and the entire movie was a big let-down. After watching it I had sworn off Sarno films. I wasn't going to waste any more time on soft-core, soap opera drudgery.

So, I don't know what possessed me to watch a documentary about the man, but it was very educational.

Joe Sarno got into pornography when the getting was good. It was the era before the cum-shot, before the camera was up the actor's asses.  His movies were basically the thinking man's skin-flick. Which is a niche that demanded to be filled.

It was around ten minutes into the documentary that it occurred to me that Sarno seemed very down to earth and not creepy or sleazy, even as he goes on to talk about how, yes, people would come into the adult theaters in raincoats to jack off. The cliche is true. He and his wife have been together for decades, and the documentary would have you believe they never even had a spat about who left the lid off the toothpaste tube. Peggy, his wife, acted in his films in bit parts, and was just as enthusiastic over the subject matter as he was. She gleefully takes the cameras on a tour of their storage bin, filled with porny costumes and accouterments of their films. Of course, Peggy's parents objected to their relationship but love  and creativity finds a way.

Peggy shows off the props and costumes and other surprises.

With the rise of the hard core porn market, Sarno found it more and more difficult to make his films. His movies were always about sex with consequence, about the aftermath, the psyche of those who were fucking.

In an act of defiance toward the hard core market, enter Abigail Lesley, the final true Sarno film. His father in law had to put up the financing for the movie. While I still dislike the film, this documentary does put it in a new perspective, and like me, the documentary highlights the two great scenes in the film.

Peggy reads Sarno's script and remarks on how his dialog had become more explicit because that's what the market demands. She doesn't agree with it, though Sarno understands he has to keep with the times. He's in his twilight years but he's not set in his ways so much.

Near the end of the film, Peggy pulls out Sarno's obituary. She's proud that it takes up the entire page, of The New York Times, no less. She carries it everywhere, just so she can show people. He was fearing fading into obscurity, but he got an entire feature remembering him in The Times.

Peggy likes how big it is.

As a marketing tool, A Life in Dirty Movies is effective. It shows the portrait of a cool elderly adult film godfather and it convinced me to give his films a second chance.

LILITH'S SCORE: 4/5

NEXT TIME: Part 3 of Documentary December continues with Kink.

Documentary December - X-Rated: The Greatest Adult Movies of All Time

Oh, the weather outside is... kind of wet and cold. And there's not enough Holiday themed porn out there, so I decided to forgo the whole fiasco and offer a break from the Holiday Season and give to you... Documentary December!

Title: X-Rated: The Greatest Adult Movies of All Time Year: 2015 Starring: Constance Money, Georgina Spelvin, Riley Reid, Jenna Jamison, Johnnie Keyes, Herschel Savage, Ron Jeremy Director: Bryn Pryor Synopsis: A look at a plethora of pornographic films ranging from the 1970s to the 2010s and a commentary about their lasting impacts on the adult industry and the world. - Via IMDB Why it is Notable: It's a documentary about the greatest porn films ever made.

"A suicide at the beginning of a porn movie really sets the tone."

I love documentaries. They make me feel intellectual. This particular documentary opens with a montage of many, many porn films from the 70s to the 2010s. As the montage ran, I was actually surprised by how many I recognized. There was ever a clip of vintage porn from the turn of the 20th century that I'm pretty sure I've seen before.

Everything needs to be protested.

Each movie has about a 7-10 minute spot where adult film actors and directors discuss that specific movie, their thoughts, and how it broke ground. I do admit I was a bit disappointed not to see films like The Image or anything by Zebedy Colt mentioned.

As the film progresses, it explores some rather interesting films that I have jotted down for future watching, and maybe reviewing, films I didn't even know existed, or films that have been advertised everywhere to me. I'm looking at you The Submission of Emma Marx!

The interview with Constance Money was interesting, in that she still has bitter feelings against Metzger, though she handles them diplomatically. It's still sad knowing that my favourite adult film actress had such a shitty go of it while all the others who are interviewed seemed to have a great time, more or less.

Constance Money rocks a suit jacket hard.

The film touches on an interesting theory during one of the segments that suggests decency laws were set in place as a distraction from scandals such as Watergate and the unfavourable attitudes concerning Vietnam. I would have liked the film to dive deeper into that, but I suppose this isn't exactly a documentary about the history of porn.

VHS is also casually brought up, and initially I wanted them to dive deeper into this, since I was lead to believe porn was the reason VHS beat Betamax in the format wars but I've just spent 10 minutes verifying that fact and apparently I've been living a lie. Yes, there was more porn on VHS than Betamax but porn only counted for a fraction of all videos purchased and thus couldn't have made a big enough dent either way. See? We've all learned something today.

During the film's run-time, the host, Chanel Preston, has one on one interviews with actors and directors. It's interesting but when interspersed with interviews at different locations, it makes everything feel a bit mismatched. Who is Constance Money talking to? Who is Jenna Jamison talking to?

It was an entertain look back at some of the best adult films, but now I have to watch them all. Fuck.

Best Scene: The interview with Georgina Spelvin. She is so sweet and no-nonsense.

Worst Scene: I don't want to name names but some of the actors just don't seem very smart...

LILITH'S SCORE: 3.5/5

NEXT TIME: Next week, we continue Documentary December with A Life in Dirty Movies.

This Ain't Dracula XXX - Lilith Likes to Watch

Title: This Ain't Dracula XXX Year: 2011 Starring: Jessi Palmer, Marie McCray, Evan Stone, Ryan Driller, Tom Byron Director: Axel Braun Synopsis: Forget everything you previously thought about Dracula. This is the movie that will make you totally re- think your perception of the mythical undead character! Count Dracula is back, and this time, with a sexual vengeance unlike any other Dracula you have ever seen. This sexual sci-fi masterpiece is sure to thrill you. And get you hot and sweaty. Nothing like some good old fashioned vampire sucking and fucking. - Via AdultFilmDatabase.com Why it is Notable: It's a parody of Bram Stoker's Dracula.

"Lucy's cavalier attitude toward her multiple suitors has cheered my soul."

I felt we were all owed a Halloween Treat after the horrible last few movies we've endured and as return visitors know, Bram Stoker's Dracula is one of my favourite movies of all time. I was feeling so defeated by this year's Halloween selections that I decided Fuck It, and treated myself.

Jonathan Harker travels to Transylvania, to meet the eccentric Count Dracula who is buying property in London. In Dracula's castle Harker is seduced by three vampire brides.

This foursome is awkward. In Francis Ford Coppela's film (henceforth referred to as The Original), the scene with the brides is hotter because Harker is following the sound of his fiancee's voice. Here he just sort of wakes up from a fitful sleep and three women climb up on him. The sex itself is fine, only, when not being fucked, the women look bored or directionless. Though, there is a good pose of one woman grabbing bed of the headboard while Harker eats her out from below. That was nice.

There is no dynamic camera work. The camera work in the original was amazing and utilized many old school movie tricks. This is just one static shot. Most, if not all, the sex scenes suffer from this problem.

There is no music during the foursome. I opened a tab to Youtube and played the Bram Stoker's Dracula soundtrack. This is the only way to watch this movie.

Dracula both has no charisma and is also a non-entity in this film. There is no connection between elderly Dracula and what we see later. The entire role elderly Dracula seems to play is "Hahah butt-hair isn't he funny?!"

Mina Murray, Harker's fiance, has a voice-over narration throughout the film and it is bad. There' no accent, there's no emotion. It was very flat poorly done over-all.
Mina and her best friend Lucy fuck and it is the best scene in the movie. Jessi Palmer grabs her legs and pretzels herself up for the camera and somehow it's very endearing. Like she's holding on to herself to keep from losing control from the pleasure. Also her shoes are really cool.

Marie McCray, who plays Lucy, is adorable and perfectly cast. She's also the best actress here. She really seems to be enjoying playing pretend in period costumes and hoity accents.

Then, Lucy sleep walks. There's no Dracula, no wolf-monster, no attack, no biting. There's no connection between the sleep walk, and Lucy becoming sick, dying, then becoming a vampire. And, in the original, it is by far the best scene in the movie. What were the makers of this porn parody thinking, skipping the fucking on a bench in the middle of a hedge maze while hypnotized scene? Dracula didn't have to be a wolf. It is such a missed opportunity.

Hope you liked the maze scene, because this is it.

We cut to Renfield in the asylum, where he's bound in a straight jacket and blown by a nurse or maid or something. Then there's like 15 minutes of hands free anal. Props to Renfield for being able to do it no handed. But, again, there's no connection between nurse and Renfield. If you have to do anal, why not make it between Renfield and Dr Seward? The characters have a connection, you get your butt stuff and you get a gay scene.
However, Tom Byron seems to be really enjoying the role of Renfield. Good for him!

Mina's voice over mentions a 'devil ship' coming to the docks and we Dracula fans, be it book or film, know it's a ship that brought Dracula to London, but the movie never tells us that. Dracula continues to be a non-entity. Van Helsing is called to check in on Lucy, but I'm unclear as to why other than "because this is a Dracula parody and we're supposed to."

Vampire Lucy fucks two of her suitors for a while in the cemetery. It's hot, but again, no creative camera work and the guy playing one of the suitors keeps babbling his cock against Lucy's mouth so we end up with really weird vocalizations.

Dracula makes his appearance in a cliche Spirit of Halloween Dracula costume modeled after the Bela Lugosi outfit. Look, if you're gonna go with LOL BUTT HAIR Dracula, then you must also go with suave top hat, walking stick, and Lennon glasses Dracula. That's just facts.

...Nope. Wrong.

Dracula and Mina never meet. Mina is apparently not the reincarnation of his wife, but he brings her to his lair and they fuck in the end. Jessi Palmer is really good as wearing vacuous expressions as she's hypnotized into submitting to Dracula's lust. This of course proves that they could have done the maze scene, since coercion and dubious consent are apparently not issues in this film.

You could have done the maze scene, guys.

You could have.

And they sucked happily ever after.

Best Scene: Lucy/Mina sex scene.

Worst Scene: The foursome. No music, un-engaged women, too much contemporary pillow talk.

LILITH'S SCORE: 3/5 It's a Halloween Treat, but it could have been tastier.

NEXT TIME: Secretary. I promise.

Halloween Trick & Treat Triple Feature - Lilith Likes to Watch

WELCOME TO HALLOWEEN TRICK & TREAT. AND BOY DO I HAVE A TRICK OR 3 FOR YOU.

Fuck it. Let's get weird with it!

Boredom is a special kind of Hell. Boredom is soul-draining. Boredom is uninspiring. Boredom is a form of evil time-travel. You travel very, very slowly.

When I started this blog roughly a year ago, I was in a very different personal place than I am now. There aren't enough hours in the week anymore and I am loathe to give the effort of writing a post about something that out and out bores me. I've always said, the worst thing you can do other than be viscerally disgusting, is to bore me.

Don't fucking bore me. Make me angry. Make me roll my eyes. Just don't fucking bore me.

I watched three pornos in search of this week's Halloween Trick and Treat. On their own, none of them gave me enough to work with. So, let's just delve in to all three of them.

Title: Dracula Sucks Year: 1978 Starring: Annette Haven, Jamie Gillis, John Leslie Director: Philip Marshak Synopsis: Count Dracula, a vampire who's recently purchased a castle adjacent to a mental institution, as well as his vampire brides, use the patients, and daughters of Dr. Seward, to satisfy a lust for blood and sex. - Via IMDB Why it is Notable: Annette Haven in a vampire movie!

First one was Dracula Sucks, AKA Lust at First Bite.
I've made it very clear that Bram Stoker's Dracula is one of my favourite films. I wasn't expecting much from this, but I was still let down. Which is terrible because Annette Haven is in this looking as pretty as ever and showing off hip bones that could cut glass. It had a few jokes here and there that made me lightly scoff air through my nose.

There are actually two versions of this film and I had planned to watch both, but after watching the first version, I had no desire to sit through another version.

So. What happens?

The doctor is fucking the maid for some reason. Dracula wants to fuck Mina. Let's see ...Fucking happens... The only good scene in the movie is the opening, with Dracula and Mina fucking in a dungeon and/or basement. I'm sure there's better Dracula based porn out there. Recommendations, please?

LILITH'S SCORE: 1.5/5

Title: Her & Him Year: 2019 Starring: Abella Danger, Small Hands Director: Bella Thorne Synopsis: A sexually explicit reimagining of Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet. - Via IMDB Why it is Notable: A known famous person directed a porn.

The second one was Her & Him, which has recently gained attention since it's the directorial debut of a former Disney Starlette. But she was also on Big Love, which means she was on HBO before Disney. She's an HBO Starlette.

Anyway, Her & Him is trippy, but it's trippy in the way that a new artist uses too many Photoshop filters. All the visual and audio weirdness feels like creative minds wondering "Hey, what does this button do?"

After seeing the search on his girlfriend's phone "How to murder your boyfriend and get away with it", the Boyfriend is convinced his girlfriend is going to kill him. She toys with him at knife-point with words and some pretty good physical acting. Her fingers tap and crawl along the counter, her toes flex or drag as she nears him. The tension is drawn up, it builds, then explodes into a frantic burst of frenzied violence.

They fuck, and it's very much directed by a woman. It's shot without a care for the leering camera.

The end of the film was not set up at all. It could have either been left out entirely, or it should have been mentioned earlier. I don't want to spoil it, but it knocked down my rating a whole grade because that's just poor story telling.

LILITH'S SCORE: 2/5

Title: The Sexorcist AKA Undressed to Kill Year: 1974 Starring:  Lilly Lamarr, Kelly Guthrie, Wayne Williams Director: Ray Dennis Steckler Synopsis: A female reporter for an occult magazine investigates a story about a murderous devil cult. - Via IMDB Why it is Notable: It's a devil cult porno.

Finally there was Sexorcist AKA Undressed to Kill. I blame Red Letter Media for bringing it to my attention.

It is one of the worst things I've had to watch for this blog. It was only an hour long and it felt too long.
No one was particularly attractive.
It was obviously cobbled together from maybe a few movies?
But it's worse problem? It had a narration from a character that wasn't even involved in the events. It was all told second hand. Then that character dies for no reason so how are we even continuing the story?
The costumes were terrible.
There was no creative sexual deviancy. Like, say, in The Exorcist. I was aching for a demon possessed Terri Hall to show up and breathe some life and horror into this pointless pile of slog.
Boring, plotless, devoid of personality, unimaginative garbage with a terrible sound track.

LILITH'S SCORE: 1/5

What a disappointing Halloween Trick & Treat. Everything was a trick. This was a rough one, readers.


NEXT TIME: I need something that I know I enjoy, and once again it explains a lot about me. Join me, won't you, with Secretary.

Lilith Likes to Watch - We Are the Flesh

Title: We Are The Flesh Year: 2016 Starring: Noé Hernández, María Evoli, Diego Gamaliel Director: Emiliano Rocha Minter Synopsis: A young brother and sister, roaming an apocalyptic city, take refuge in the dilapidated lair of a strange hermit. He puts them to work building a bizarre cavernous structure, where he acts out his insane and depraved fantasies. Trapped in this maddening womb-like world under his malign influence, they find themselves sinking into the realms of dark and forbidden behaviour. - Via Amazon Why it is Notable: Fuck this movie.

Welcome to the second annual Halloween Trick & Treat! All through October, Lilith wanders through the horrific and the horny to find some of the best and unfortunately some of the worst of Halloween themed porno.

When I was a child, I really, really liked escargot. It was delicious. We were at a restaurant for my 8th or 9th birthday and my mom offered me one of her escargots. I took it, popped it in my mouth, and chewed it. My dad said "You know you're eating snails?"

I spat it out across the booth, cried, and never ate escargot again.

True story.

We Are the Flesh had a bunch of key words that made it sound like a winner. Infrared camera. Piss play. Post-apocalyptic. Con-non-con. Mind trip.

But, the end result was so revolting I could not enjoy myself at all.

That infrared camera work? Filmed in such a way that you could see every blemish, every pimple, on the actors' skin.

The piss-play? Done in such a filthy, primal way, and so punctuated that it wasn't entertaining.

The con-non-con? Less said about that, the better.

Post-apocalyptic? Mind trip? It ends with a crappy, shitty twist that left me feeling furious.

The scene that broke me was when a lady was masturbating and contorting so violently I was convinced she was simply going to reach up inside herself and start pulling out internal organs.

Art in metaphor is often an excuse for gross out film making - Jodorowsky this ain't. This is shock-cinema at some of its worse. It thinks it's being clever and it probably takes a lot of skill to make things this unsexy.

I resent it when things I enjoy are ruined for me.

Fuck this movie.

LILITH'S SCORE: 1/5

NEXT TIME: We continue Halloween Trick & Treat with something good, hopefully...

Malice in Lalaland - Lilith Likes to Watch

Title: Malice in Lalaland Year: 2010 Starring: Sasha Grey, Dirty Fred, Andy San Dimas, Keni Styles, Ron Jeremy  Director: Lew Xypher Synopsis: Based on the two books by Lewis Carroll: "Alice In Wonderland" and "Through The Looking Glass", we stay true to a strange world and it's even stranger characters. Malice manages to escape from an asylum with the help of Rabbit. During her escape from Queenie and Jabbowski, she has the most sexy adventures ever. -Via AdultDVDEmpire Why it is Notable: It's sexy, grimy, rock n' roll Alice in Wonderland.

"Hold her down, I need her ass."

Fun fact: Lilith Likes to Watch is a year old. Want another fun fact? It's been 367 days since we've reviewed the first of a few Alice in Wonderland porno adaptations. Maybe this will become tradition. Regardless, if you feel like you've been down this rabbit hole before, now you know why.

Malice in Lalaland is.an OK porno with a fun look and an amazing title. There's too much filler, with Malice just sitting in watching some scenes, or scenes where none of the traditional Lewis Carroll characters are around and I'm just watching people fuck.

It opens with a creative credit sequence and a fun musical score plays throughout the movie that I quite dug.

Malice is an inmate at an asylum. Why? We don't know. How long has she been there? We're never told. She breaks out and is lead to Lalaland by Donnie Darko's rabbit friend if the rabbit were a pothead.

After admonishing Jabbowski for losing Malice, Queenie enters a morgue to fuck a pair of latex chap-wearing mice-boys and another women and it feels like a scene out of a different porno. Unless they're all supposed to be the doormouse?

Despite that, there are creative hints of Alice In Wonderland without being overt, and that's nice. Jack Jabbowki, Dr. Queenie, Chester Katz, Katter Pills. These references are just on the right side of cute. They could so easily be cheesy but I like them.

This is my favourite shot in the entire film:

Chester Katz takes a picture of two little fuckbunnies.

Throughout the film, Sasha Grey has a sort of girlishness, which is nice. This could so easily turn bitchy, and it doesn't. Malice cares about Rabbit, and Chester, and shares her body with others, men and women alike. For all the spiteful meaning behind the name Malice, this Malice has a sweet innocence to her.

She meets Chester Katz, wears a Alice in Wonderland Halloween costume, and poses for pictures for him, then they fuck. It is the second best scene in the movie. Then, she goes with Chester to Katter Pill's club and, in a total non-euphemism, eats his mushroom. They watch two strippers dance and fuck while Malice trips out.

Then she explores more of Pill's place. Malice just walks from one scene to the next. I want more story. WHY was she in the asylum?

Oh right, and the Mad Hatter looks like Slash from Guns n' Roses. It's either brilliant or fucking distracting. I'm not sure which. It doesn't really matter, he has like 2 lines of dialogue anyway.

The best scene in the entire film is Malice fucking two other girls. I actually had a small quibble with the dialog here though. Girl 1 explicitly says Girl 2 prefers to watch, then Girl 2 immediately joins in. So out of character for Girl 2! Not that I'm really complaining. The scene was damn hot. Even though, Girl 1 started off wearing a beautiful masquerade mask and took it off right away. C'mon, that's my aesthetic!

One of the big problems with the film, however, is that it is told out of order. Malice comes across a gas-station/diner, then watches two people fuck in a car. Then she leaves. She returns to another diner/gas-station, and films a woman fuck the Tweedles in a scene I absolutely could have done without. But what they should have done was either cut the car scene and put the Tweedle Threesome in it's place, or cut the car scene, kept the Tweedle scene where it was, then had an extended Queenie/Malice scene because...

ahem...

THE WAY THIS MOVIE ENDS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!

Jabbrowski corners Malice in the diner, Queenie comes in, they shoot Malice up with a drunk and Malice fantasizes Queenie as a red devil and herself a dark angel. They kiss, turn into cartoons and then it ends.

What's the girl equivalent to blue balls?

Malice and Queenie never fuck.

Fuck that! You wasted your run time on a Tweedle DP Threesome, a strangely violent Chester/girl/girl scene, and two bumpkins fucking in a car and not have Queenie take Malice back to the asylum with sexy results?

No.

I refuse.

You're wrong, movie.

You fucked up.

You know your potential. I know you know your potential. I know you enjoy the art that you're making so why didn't you go for broke?

In conclusion, this movie's story is out of order and spends it time on unimportant drivel instead of cool shit. Its rife with kick-ass concepts that it abandons in favour of cheesy porn that I could get anywhere else if I so chose.

Best Scene: Malice fucking the two girls in the red room.

Worst Scene: Tweedles DPing some woman in a diner for like 5 minutes.


LILITH'S SCORE: 3/5

NEXT TIME: We return to Lilith's Halloween Trick & Treat! We begin with We Are The Flesh.