The Bargain - Lilith Likes to Watch Monster Lover May 2022

Title: The Bargain
Starring: Ashley Lane, Tommy Pistol
Director: Ricky Greenwood
Synopsis: You better not shout, you better not cry, the Krampus is coming to town, and if you’re naughty... this very well may be your last Christmas. This holiday season, you decide if you want to be naughty or nice, but if you’re naughty, you won’t just get a lump of’ll get gobbled up by the Krampus. Via -
Lilith's Notes: This is what we're here for.


"Flesh for flesh, or no deal."

You know who’s having a renaissance moment?


Somehow, a few years ago, mankind collectively decided to develop a fascination with the dark creature of pre-Christian folklore. Everything has an opposite, including Saint Nick.

Krampus is the new sexy monster on the block, so of course someone had to make a porno of it.

Ricky Greenwood, fresh off the demanding restraints of the credit card companies that strictly required Nobody Fuck The Werewolf, rose to the challenge.

Greenwood complied with the demands of Visa and Mastercard, but then doubled the fuck down and brought us The Bargain, a movie where Tommy Pistol graphically and explicitly fucks the Krampus for 30 minutes.

Our holiday film begins on Christmas Eve. A father (Played by Tommy Pistol) is tucking his twin children into bed, and he tells them a tale of how he lost his little sister to the vicious demonic being known as Krampus, and how Krampus vowed one day to return and steal his own children. The scene is shot wonderfully, full of chilly atmosphere and growing tension. Tommy anxiously looks around when he hears a creak, or a thump, or the wind. He twiddles his fingers and balls his hands into fists. He tries his best to keep it together as he anticipates what he knows will happen.

Enter a shadowy, stalking, female Krampus (Played by Ashley Lane).

Fellow monster lovers.

This. Is. Glorious.

Lane commits to the role. She is decked out in furry cloven hooves and spindly, sharp-clawed fingers. The horns on her head seem solid and she bares three sets of teats. She looms over Tommy, a clear steam of drool perpetually falling between her sharp teeth.

The real star of this show is the makeup. It’s no Cronenbergian achievement but it completely covers Lane and more importantly, stays put! This is something you would see on the reality competition show Face off and it would get you right into the next round. I mean that as a compliment. A big problem I have with a lot of cosplay and parody porn is that the body pain just gets everywhere and breaks the fantasy. That’s why I probably won’t ever review The Mass Effect porn and have some doubts about the myriad Star Wars pornos out there.

Everyone looks like they’re really, really enjoying themselves here. Pistol and Lane are acting their horny little hearts out. Neither breaks character once. Lane is always snarling and demanding, and Tommy clearly has ulterior motives as he woos the monster. Tommy Pistol is often good at that, give him a character and he’ll usually see it through to the end.

It seems everyone was behind this idea and wanted to make it the best it could possibly be. I’m very happy that after the debacle that was Blue Moon Rising, The Bargain was made and seemingly had no compromises.

Absolute kudos to the makeup team in this film. They knocked it out of the park. This is the kind of content we monster lovers want. What we need. What we crave.

Monsters. Ephemeral things that are here one moment, then gone the next.

With that, I hope you enjoyed Monster Lover May! Have you hunted down some of the films reviewed this month? What did you think of them? Do you have any suggestions for what to review next year?

Best Moment: The makeup.

Worst Moment: The opening scene ran a touch long.

LILITH'S SCORE: 5/5 - It's not a perfect movie, but they deliver what was promised.

Until next time, my voracious voyeurs. I’m Lilith, and I’m always watching.

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