The Elven Bride - Lilith Likes to Watch Animated April

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Title: The Elven Bride
Year: 1995

Starring: Yumi Kuroda, Yasunori Matsumoto

Director: Hiroshi Yamakawa

Synopsis: Mixed marriages are a tricky thing, so when the human Kenji and the elf Milfa get married, the course of true love does not run smoothly... especially when it turns out that there's a certain difference in plumbing that makes it almost impossible for them to consummate their marriage! - Via AnimeNewsNetwork

Lilith's Notes: This classic anime is out of print. Good luck.

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"Harpy Ooze"

Have you ever written fanfiction before? Let’s do some of that right now. Because I'm feeling inspired and I have a creative tale in my brain that imagines how exactly Elven Bride came into existence.

Once, there was a man named Hiroshi Yamakawa, who really, really wanted to see Deedlit from Record of Lodoss War get fucked. He decided not to let his dreams be dreams, approached the Hentai production studio AIC, and said “What if Deedlit fucked?”

Thus, the world was given The Elven Bride. And I, being a tender age and seeking out things I wasn’t supposed to see, watched it decades ago, then giggled about Harpy Ooze with my friends at lunch time in school.

The Elven Bride tells the touching story of Milfa and Kenji, two people so wildly in love that they get married, despite Kenji being a human and Milfa an elf. The couple face prejudice but that doesn’t let that get in the way of their love.

What does get in the way, however, is physiological incompatibility. Milfa’s anatomy is just too small for Kenji to penetrate!

This brings great sadness and shame to Milfa, and she tries to grin and bear it while Kenji pushes his way inside, but the pain brings her to tears.

So, Kenji embarks on a noble quest to find a way that he and Milfa may join together.

First off, this is mid-90s anime so you know it has a certain look, almost a grittiness, but also moments of cloudy, romantic haziness. There are echoes of Sailor Moon here, which was extremely popular when this came out. It’s an acquired taste, one I happen to find nostalgic.

My favourite thing about this anime is that Milfa and Kenji are a relatively functional couple. All of Kenji’s actions are well intentioned. When he has the chance to be unfaithful, he denies himself. Milfa is the only one for him, the only one he desires and wants to be with. That feels so refreshing among so many mean-spirited anime.

And this anime very cleverly has it both ways. Milfa and Kenji are loyal to one another, forsaking all others, but of course this is a 90s hentai so there has to be some impropriety. We have to victimize the gentle pure elfess, so let’s throw in a scene that shows all the bad stuff, but end it with a joke that makes it very clear that The Bad Thing Never Happened. That way, every viewer gets what they want and Milfa is not soiled in the slightest.

It’s nice to have some innocent, well intentioned porn now and again, especially from a genre that is so often rife with harm and violence and cruelty, so many series derive pleasure in spite of the character’s pain. Yeah, these aren’t real people but what may be depicted can be real turn offs. It’s not a perfect hentai, however. While Milfa is adorable and all the female characters are lovingly designed and drawn to be as perfect and desirable as possible, Kenji’s design is unappealing to me. He has a little boy’s head on a grown man’s body and it’s very vexing. I don’t want to see him fuck.

To conclude, The Elven Bride is the touching story of a couple discovering the joys of intercrural sex. I wish the best for these two crazy love birds.

Best Moment: Milfa offers her chest for Kenji to fuck. It's her idea, and that's fun.

Worst Moment: Episode two is a bit meandering and as I stated, a little more mean-spirited.

LILITH'S SCORE: 3/5

Until next time, my voracious voyeurs. I’m Lilith, and I’m always watching.