Starship Eros - Lilith Likes to Watch Mystery Month
Title: Starship Eros
Year: 1980
Starring: Linda Russel, Becky Savage, Mike Ranger
Director: Scott McHaley
Synopsis: 1995. The all-female crew on board the Starship Eros get it on with each other when they aren’t taking advantage of the virile services of their male robot servant Quasar. - via Letterboxd.com
Lilith's Notes: But, what if this were a musical instead?
How much grace do we afford a porno? This is a serious question. Porn is a classification of film where we tend to give leeway that we wouldn’t otherwise for other types of film.
"Well, I'll be a laitant heterosexual!"
Words like parody and homage and pastiche do a lot of heavy lifting.
In the far future year of 1995, Commander Venus (played by Lily Rogers) of the Starship Eros is having a nice relaxing soak in her hot tub. Being a commander of a starship grants her such luxuries. She’s fucked by her manservant (played by Mike Ranger) , then is told to suit up and board her ship.
Aboard, she fiddles around with herself while the communications officer Bev (played by Beth Evans) greets the new captain, Christine Moon (played by Becky Savage) .
This trio of star voyagers are accompanied by Quazar (played by “himself”) , who took C3P0’s head and grafted it onto his own body. Captain Christine Moon must be an excellent pilot to fly under the radar of Lucasfilm’s lawyers.
This has so many stolen assets. I hear TIE fighter screams, 80’s He-Man laser blasts, and Star Trek red alerts. Like I said, parody gives ample wiggle room, I guess.
Venus and Captain Moon fuck, and then Quazar joins in, and at this point I wondered when exactly the plot was going to kick in. We 67 minutes here, and over two of those were taken up by the opening credits.
There is a plot, but it’s delivered piecemeal. The Eros’ mission is to explore the quadrant of space, and seek and destroy any Amazonian warships.
Meanwhile Captain Moon is unable to resist another go around with Quazar and once she is discovered engaging in “misuse of ship’s equipment.” Commander Venus reprimands her with a cute little laser pistol and it is silly.
Later, Bev comes in to tend to Captain Moon’s body and it’s the best scene in the film. There’s a uncut shot of Bev slowly kissing and licking her way down Moon’s body that lasts just under two whole minutes. As Moon is being pleasured by Bev, ridiculous expressions cross her face, but that’s what makes it believable. She’s not acting, because her expressions are not alluring or erotic. She appears to be genuinely enjoying herself.
The crew capture the Amazonian (played by Linda Russell ) and torture her similar to how Captain Moon was reprimanded. This, along with sex with Quazar, causes her to defect. And the galaxy is saved for another cycle!
Not sure what to say about this one. It’s hard to give the visuals and set praise because they were all basically stolen. There was use of actual models that moved and lit up, which was cute and impressive, but I feel like maybe it was taken from something else, or B-roll or something.
The costumes, when it wasn’t blatantly ripped off from something, were fine. There was obvious Star Trek inspiration without being swiped whole cloth. Looking at you, Quasar.
It’s 70s sexy, and if the visual of feathered hair and green eyeshadow is not your thing you might not enjoy it, but the intimate scenes are pretty good and at the very least, that’s all we can expect.
It’s far from being a classic like Flesh Gordon, but it does what it can to fill a void.
Best Moment: The scene between Bev and Moon. That long, lingering scene was perfect.
Worst Moment: The styling on some of the ladies was not great, the stolen props and sounds were very distracting.
LILITH'S SCORE: 3/5
Until next time, my voracious voyeurs. I’m Lilith, and I’m always watching.
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