"I have a taste for these things and you taste pretty good."
There’s something so simple about vintage porn. All the women are real, all the men are real. No one is jack-hammering fingers into orifices or screaming pleasure at the top of their lungs. Come isn’t shooting everywhere and no one has their heels behind their head. No one is choking or strangling their partners and there is barely any spitting. No body is injected with plastic and silicon and botulism. Cocks aren’t monstrous and tits aren’t beachballs. Ah, to be innocent once again.
Mona and Jim are a young couple just days away from their wedding vows. They’re enjoying a nice sunbathed picnic when Jim tries to get sex out of Mona. The problem is, she wants to remain a virgin on her wedding day, so she thinks of other ways to pleasure Jim.
The dialog led me to suspect this film didn’t have a script, just a set of notes. The dialog felt very improvised, and the performers were stumbling over their words or stepping over one another’s voices.
As the movie goes along we learn that while Mona is indeed a virgin, she is a complete cock-slut who will blow men whenever she feels like it. She sucks a guy in a random building, then she meets a woman who invites her in for a massage that ends with the ladies licking and fingering each other. Later, Mona tries to get the man's attention at a movie theater by fingering herself. It works and she goes down on him in a theatre and Alanis Morisette would be proud.
Meanwhile, Mona’s mother mourns her dead husband and masturbates. It’s an interesting scene because it’s probably one of the most gentle masturbations I’ve ever seen. Judy Angel knows how to pleasure herself. She’s slow and steady, with a set pace. She expertly fits her fingers in and out of her body with a fluid rhythm. And then she brings out a sex toy that looks like a cross between an electric toothbrush and an immersion blender. It was weird and I’m not actually sure it was turned on. It didn’t look like it was moving and the sound was all added in post production.
She’s interrupted by a knock on the door and who has come to visit but Jim! Mona’s mother seduces Jim and the two of them fuck. Mona’s mother climaxes to the sounds of wailing, heartbeats and collapsing buildings.
Jim catches Mona at the theatre with the man and learns about Mona’s infidelity. Enraged by her cheating, he ties her to a bed, and invites over the three others Mona has enjoyed. The five of them engage in an orgy while Mona begs for her virginity to remain in tact. It’s a pretty good orgy, easy to follow and very casual.
When it’s over, Mona runs into her mother’s arms in tears. The wedding’s off, and Mona’s mother also has something to confess…
Mona’s left feeling like trash, and Jim’s screwing around is never confronted. Only Mona is punished for her indiscretions. That’s some chauvinistic bullshit.
This movie has all the ambient appeal of a train crash. This film had two directors and I wonder if that contributed to the musical disconnect. Perhaps one wanted to score the film with classical music while the other desired Trent Reznor in a kazoo factory. When it’s not using copyright free classical music, the score is weird and obnoxious, It’s discordant noise filled with bleeps and bloops.
The ADR in this movie is bad as well. Dialog will occur when no one’s mouth is moving, or when their mouth is full of sex organs. The moans don’t match the images on screen. I’m not sure if it’s due to limitations of equipment at the time or if they just didn’t care, but it was very noticeable.
Speaking of things that are unclear if they’re intentional or not, there’s a moment near the end where the image gets all fluttery. I’m not sure if that’s artistic, or just because the film is old and low quality.
There is one moment of creative camera work, where Mona is blowing the guy in the building. The camera watches through a piece of building equipment. It’s a nicely composed shot.
I know it sounds like I’m being harsh on this film, but we cannot ignore the historical significance of Mona The Virgin Nymph. It paved the way to where we all are now. It had an ambitious, fearless plot and great erotic scenes. The acting was sub-par and the sound was terrible but look at what it has accomplished. This movie is directly responsible for cult classics like Flesh Gordon, and the erotic musical version of Alice in Wonderland. If you fancy yourself a porn historian, track this one down.
Best Moment: The mother masturbation scene. It was just so gosh darn honest.
Worst Moment: The soundtrack. It was terrible.
LILITH'S SCORE: 3/5
Until next time, my voracious voyeurs. I’m Lilith, and I’m always watching.