The Breakfast Club: A XXX Parody - Lilith Likes to Watch

---

Title: The Breakfast Club: A XXX Parody
Year: 2010

Starring: Chad Alva, Faye Reagan, Andy San Dimas, Levi Cash, Sonny Hicks

Director: Lee Roy Myers

Synopsis: When five College students are forced to spend their Saturday in detention, they think that it is going to be, like, a total bummer. But instead it turns out to be a total Fuckfest! - Via AdultEmpire.com.

Lilith's Notes: It's a porn parody of one of the most famous teen movies ever.

---

"Teen angst."

John Hughes was an influential director in film. He had a knack for capturing teen lives in a way no one else could. He was probably the first director whose name I knew, other than, maybe, Spielberg and Tim Burton. I remember where I was when I first heard he had died. I think it was the first celebrity death that ever really resonated with me.

Without question, The Breakfast Club is my favourite John Hughes movie, by a wide margin. So you know I'm going to a little harsher on this film than some others.

I still don't quite know where I stand on parody porn. Some of it is really good, some of it is garbage and some lie in the middle. I watched this simply because I had to know where this would fall, if anything, the costumes were accurate.

More than the costumes were accurate. For what I assume was a very minimal budget, the attention to detail is stellar. They meet scenes beat for beat. Whole lines of dialog are quoted or even recontextualized. Entire moments of physical acting are recreated.

Most of us probably know the story of The Breakfast Club. Five students are given detention on a Saturday. They're all from different social cliques but over the course of the afternoon, learn to relate to each other. Same deal here, except it's college and the dean is a woman who Bender fucks, and Carl the Janitor doesn't exist this time around.

Let's break this down character by character. Sonny Hicks plays Dweeb, the studious nerd who totally had sex with a girl up in Canada. What was an awkward moment in the original and rife for parody is turned into an all-out sex scene with just enough humour to play up the "This is totally real guys, it totally happened," aspect of it. The sex itself is typical porn sex.

Levi Hicks plays Sporto. He does a good job with what he's given, but in both the original, and this parody, I never really cared about the jock. He engages in a foursome with three cheerleaders in the locker room. I was very bored. But he and Andy San Dimas play off one other nicely and have pretty good chemistry.

Speaking of, Andy San Dimas played Ally Needy, and steals the movie. But, then, Allison was always the best character. They give most of the existential deeper meaning philosophy subtext-as-text to her, but also she masturbates and sniffs her own fingers. The climactic sex scene between her and Sporto is fine, but she really begs him to fuck her. I feel like this character would dominate the fuck out of Sporto and he'd like it. A missed opportunity.

The Renegade, played by Chad Alva, is enjoying himself. He has a playful, crude energy but he's not as guarded as John Bender of the original. He, of course, fucks the Dean, played by Samantha Ryan, and fucks Her Majesty, played by Faye Reagan. Just like all the other performers, Chad Alva knows exactly what sort of movie this is.

There are some downsides of course. As usual, the porn is very porny, and while every fan has of course wanted to see basically these characters have an orgy, it never happens. There's actually a line where Her Majesty says "I don’t usually do this with guys" and The Renegade says "I know" and did they just imply she fucks girls? Why was that never a plot point!

There's a degree of respect brought into this movie, while still being a shameless mid 2000's porno. It's kind of like if a sex comedy from the 80s was allowed to go there. The jokes worked for the most part, it looks great, and the cast seemed to be having fun. They even wrote a parody song called Will You (Come With Me) which is a faithful homage of Don't You Forget About Me while still being its own thing.

Good parody porn can be hard to find, and it feels like nostalgia-bait has been going on forever. One could make the argument that this was filmed just to cash in on Hughes' death, shoveled out for a quick buck but I don't think so. There's too much reverence and clear attention to detail. This feels like it was made by fans of the original film, of John Hughes' works as a whole, and of that era of film.

It leaves us with a dirty, but comfy feeling of better times.

At least until the inevitable Ready Player One porn parody comes along and ruins everything.

Best Moment: When the Renegade hides under Her Majesty's desk, he does exactly what we all imagined Bender did in the original movie.


Worst Moment: Other than the fact that Her Majesty and Ally Needy never fuck? Probably the foursome. It was just really boring and not hot.

LILITH'S SCORE: 3/5

Until next time, my voracious voyeurs. I’m Lilith, and I’m always watching.