"You're not going to have to do anything"
Real sex is awkward. Real sex for the purposes of entertainment is also awkward because it pretends to be speaking to authenticity without really having much to say.
Silver Shoes is sort of like that? First of all, calm down; there is no hidden magic in these shoes. The shoes are barely even a plot device. Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants this is not.
The film is broken down into three short stories.
In Undressed, Annabelle goes to her friend Liandra's place to borrow her silver shoes. When fetching them from the closet, Annabelle sees Liandra owns men's clothing. When asked about it, Liandra just goes into this complete TED Talk about how she finds femininity constraining, and how wearing men's clothes is liberating. It changes how she thinks, acts, and fucks.
Liandra shows Annabelle that she's wearing men's briefs, and the two women fuck.
It's a good scene, if not for the horrible sound balancing. The kiss sounds were extremely sloppy, like someone punching a cantaloupe. The lovers mumble at levels barely heard, then release screamed orgasms while through the apartment walls come the sounds of children playing.
The sex is good. Both woman's bodies quiver and tremble with pleasure and Annabelle releases these adorable little squeaks when enjoying herself and musical, angry cries as she climaxes.
The second tale is called The Housesitter. Annabelle is housesitting for Liandra. She takes pictures of Liandra's chromatically arranged bookcase, paints one of her nails with Liandra's nail-polish, then goes to Liandra's closet, puts on the silver shoes, hugs one of the masculine suit jackets that Liandra owns, and cries and masturbates. Sometimes in that order, sometimes not, sometimes all at once. Also, the children are still playing outside.
And that's the last we see of Annabelle.
The most interesting thing about The Housesitter is that it took four writers. There was no dialog! It took four writers and the story before this, with actual character background and dialog, had one writer.
The final story is Mimosas. Liandra has cut her hair and is having a brunch with her lady friends and one brought a sexy foreign boy named Joost. They talk and laugh about men while Joost is talked into showing off his modeling skills while wearing the titular silver shoes. The girls leave, Joost offers to stay behind to help Liandra clean up.
Randomly, Liandra says "If you weren't gay I'd totally do you." To which Joost replies "I'm not gay", or something. Liandra gets all embarrassed, and they fuck with rather awkward fucking. Poor Joost looks terrified throughout the whole event. Also, the children are still playing outside.
For this scene, Liandra was wearing feminine panties and a bra. What happened to wearing men's clothes?
Once more, the version of this film that exists in my head is better.
Undressed happens, then The Housesitter happens, then Mimosas begins but Liandra is wearing men's undergarments, because that's an established character trait and she has no reason not to wear them, it's not like she's planning on fucking her lady friends. Joost sees her men's undies, is like "...Weird but okay,", then half-way through fucking, Annabelle waltzes through the door, finds them fucking on the couch and kills everyone. Or a threesome ensues. Or something.
But no, the movie just ends. It cuts to black.
I'm a woman. I like woman things, but I also enjoy the male gaze. I find most of the by-woman-for-women porn to be presumptuous and pandering.
Or maybe I'm just filthy.
LILITH'S SCORE: 2.5/5
NEXT TIME: Speaking of filthy, next week we enjoy some Immoral Tales.